Dreams Shift, But They Never Fade: A Father’s Journey with Autism

When I became a parent, I had lots of dreams for my child. Most of my dreams revolved around sports: Little League baseball, peewee football, go-kart racing, bike riding, whatever he wanted to do. In fact, since my family is involved in racing, I couldn’t wait to put him in the family race car! I also thought about best friends, building blanket forts, and sleepovers. I wanted to try to be the “cool dad,” lol. Later, I would want to teach him to drive a car, change his oil, change…

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I Will Give Him a Magical Life

Last night something monumental happened in our little world. Our middle son Sawyer had a gaggle of friends over playing and as they ran from room to room, crashing and bashing and giggling about farts and butts, our oldest son Cooper ran behind. He was the oldest of the whole group on paper. The big brother and yet not. He will be 14 in a few months. But he has no interest in Fortnite or hockey or girls. He doesn’t acknowledge the coolest shoes or ask sliding mitts. Instead he…

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Proving Them Wrong: Nonverbal Autism, Friendship, Baseball, and Joy

When my son was two years old his daycare provider told me that he would never speak, make a friend, or ride a bike. She later went on to say he would never hit a baseball. She told me at my car after I had buckled my son into his car seat and closed the door. She had followed me out. She was determined to tell me her predictions. In the eleven years that have since passed I have replayed that conversation a million times in my head. It broke…

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Mama’s Here: Finding Connection in the Quiet Moments

My daughter is 15 years old; she is autistic and has sensory processing disorder and anxiety. She is only semi-verbal, and for us, that means she has words to make requests, she can echo words and phrases, and she can answer yes or no questions with about 80 percent accuracy. However, she does not have conversational language skills. I cannot ask her how she feels and get an answer back. Every once in a while, in the wee hours of the night, I am awoken by the sound of my…

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Will They Wave Back? Reflections of a Special Needs Parent

I just encountered a gentlemen with a disability in the airport. I would say he was in his fifties. I heard him coming. He was saying the most cheerful ‘hi’ to every person he passed. I noticed he was mostly being ignored. Which I guess isn’t all that uncommon. When a stranger says hi it’s probably common to ignore. When he said hi to me I gave him the most cheerful hi I could give. He stopped walking and asked if I was flying somewhere today. I smiled and said…

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The Reality of Autism: Hard, Beautiful, and Everything in Between

When my son was diagnosed with autism eleven years ago, I knew nothing of the diagnosis. Not a thing. I researched of course. I found Rain Man. And dark grainy videos on YouTube of individuals on the spectrum struggling. I wondered where my son would land. The savant side? The hard to watch side from those videos? Or somewhere in between? As time went on Hollywood brought us Love on the Spectrum and The Good Doctor. Eventually other shows too. Our autism looked nothing like those shows. I worried and…

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Finding Peace After Years of Struggle: Our Autism Story

‘The best feeling is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long.’ The beginning was so hard. Before the diagnosis. The unknown. The hating myself for suspecting something was wrong. The watching all of his peers and even younger kids pass him by. The fighting with my husband because I saw something he refused to see. The hoping it was anything but autism. Late bloomer. Boys will be boys. Then the diagnosis. The praying it was wrong. Praying it wasn’t severe. Telling myself I…

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What a Gift This Little Girl Is

I am watching my three year old daughter dance right now. She is tapping. And twirling. Sitting when needed. And following directions. This morning she asked to brush her teeth. And clip her nails too. She quacked like a duck. Last night she pointed to a star and said ‘mama, look at the wishing star.’ She puts her own shoes on. She dresses herself when she adamantly wants to wear something. She walked with me and her brother Cooper to the bus the other day and said ‘bye Pooper on…

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Helicopter Parenting and Autism: Keeping My Child Safe and Happy

I’m that mum, the helicopter mum that follows my child around the park the whole time. The one you roll your eyes at when you see the worried look on my face if I lose sight of my child for a split second. Getting to the park itself took so much energy. We had to fight through his anxiety. It was such an achievement to even get him out of the car. To you and your friends, I look overprotective. You might even think at first glance that I need…

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A Little Sister’s Big Heart: Loving and Protecting Her Autistic Brother

There’s something about the way she she holds onto him in this photo. It tugs at my heartstrings every time I see it. She’s the younger one, the little sister, but there’s nothing “little” about the way she loves him. Her brother has autism and she knows sometimes he needs a little extra guidance, love and protection. When she takes his hand, wrapping her arm around him with a sense of protection that seems far beyond her years, it’s as if she’s shielding him from a world that doesn’t always…

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