Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
One of Those Mornings
It’s been one of those mornings. You know the one. Dog peed on the carpet, forgot to do reading homework last night, arguing over breakfast and wondering why it seems like daylight savings is still totally messing with your family. But it’s only one hour! It makes no sense. So, here’s to the parent who got up one too many times last night. The dad who used a paper towel as a coffee filter because someone forgot to buy them. The dad who scrubbed dog poop and pee out of…
Read MoreFriend, Please Allow Me to Feel and Worry
Friend, parent, partner, even a stranger on Facebook… I have a request for you. It’s going to sound really simple to you. Maybe even silly. But here goes. Please allow me to feel everything when it comes to my child’s diagnosis. Let me feel all the feelings and worry about all the worries, no matter how irrational or ridiculous they sound to you. Please, pretty please, don’t try to silence me. Or rush me along in the process. Please don’t make me feel guilty for feeling or acting a certain…
Read MoreThe Mystery of Time
Before I became a mother I didn’t understand how complicated time could be. You know that old saying…the days are long but the years are short? I’m feeling that right now. The days are so long. Sometimes unbearable. I pray for a second to be a human, without someone climbing on me. But then I wonder how my babies can be 8, 6 and 1 already. How is that possible? I swear I was just in college last year. Most days feel like a blur. Like a race to see…
Read MoreI Need You Too
Since the day you were born, I knew that being a Mom was my purpose in life. I loved every single moment. The late nights, the cuddling, even the poopy diapers. That feeling, knowing that someone needs you… is amazing. Although, I thought it would only last for a little while. The needing. The constant. Now, you are four. And you still need me just as much now, as you did when you were a newborn…and I can’t help but wonder if that’s how it will be forever? Will you…
Read MoreIn My 36th Year…
In my 36th year I am struggling with: Accepting that my 36-year-old body, the one that delivered 3 healthy, big boys, is never going to look 25 again. I’m getting older and I never thought I would be a person that would care about that. Sleep deprivation. I’ve been tired for almost 9 years. Awake multiple times a night and up before 5 am every single day. It’s taking its toll. Some days I don’t know how I am going to clear the cobwebs from my brain and find the…
Read MoreIs this Motherhood?
I just smoked my funny bone on the door to my laundry room. It literally took my breath away. And had me wondering if someone was watching me, laughing, like The Truman Show. I was cursing about the laundry. And apparently flailing my arms. It just blows my mind how 5 people can have so much laundry. Wet swimsuits, stinky towels, pee sheets, stained up t-shirts, gym clothes. Clothes ranging from a 12 month onesie to an XL t-shirt. Baseball uniforms and hockey jerseys. Clothes piled on the floor of…
Read MoreWhy Parents of Kids with Special Needs Stay Silent
As parents of kids with special needs we know our lives are different than most. Our highs are higher and our challenges are more significant. While our peers are registering kids for sports we are arguing with the insurance company about the cost of a stroller. Or trying to figure out a new behavior. We are getting babysitters for teenage kids and researching a new medication. We are putting up door alarms and trying to balance the world of special needs with the typical world. And we are celebrating our…
Read MoreAin’t Nobody Got Time for Drama when You’re an Autism Mama
When I received a private message today from a sweet autism mama, my heart sank. She was leaving her support group because of drama between her and some moms in the group who had been her best friends. I knew this decision didn’t come lightly. I knew her eyes were bloodshot from nights wasted worrying about the right thing to do, wondering how this situation got so far out of control, and feeling betrayed by the very people who were her lifelines for so many years in early autism. Her…
Read MoreWaiting for a Diagnosis
Before we had our third baby we knew there was a chance. When I googled, it said something like a 25% chance. That number felt high. Really high. So high, that my husband and I fought about it. We cried about it. We debated. We rationalized. We prayed about it. One day I would say let’s go for it. And he would say…we can’t handle two kids with special needs. The next week I would be exhausted from therapies and behaviors and say…we can’t risk it. Two kids is perfect.…
Read MoreI’m Not Scared Anymore
My dear, sweet Harper. Where do I even begin. You were my first born, my first true love. When I found out that I was pregnant, I thought about all of the things that you would do. I wondered what you would be like. Would you be smart like your Daddy, sassy like your Mama? Would you play t-ball, go to dances, have a girlfriend, go to college, get married, have children of your own? I pictured it all. In my head…I could see it. I could see you, out…
Read More