I Need You Too

Since the day you were born, I knew that being a Mom was my purpose in life.

I loved every single moment. The late nights, the cuddling, even the poopy diapers. 

That feeling, knowing that someone needs you… is amazing.

Although, I thought it would only last for a little while. The needing. The constant. 

Now, you are four. And you still need me just as much now, as you did when you were a newborn…and I can’t help but wonder if that’s how it will be forever?

Will you always need me? Will you always need help? Will you ever be able to be on your own?

Will you ever drive? Go to prom? Get married? Have children of your own? 

Even though all of that seems like such a long ways away, I worry everyday. It’s always in the back of my mind. 

The fear of the unknown… it’s crippling.

My sweet boy. I have never known a love like this, and I’m so grateful that God thought I was strong enough to be your Mama. But, sometimes I don’t feel strong.

People always tell me, “Wow, you are so strong, you are so amazing with Harper.”

I just nod and say “thank you.”

As I walk away, I’m fighting back the tears. I put on a happy face, always! I don’t want anyone to know that I struggle every single day. 

Even though I have sad days, worried days, pissed off days… I also have amazing days! Like, when you do something new!

We celebrate like we just won the lottery! And in my eyes, we did!

A new word, pooping on the potty, asking for help, saying something unprompted. Those are all wins in our little Autism world!

I know that you will probably always need me, and I am more than fine with that. Because in all reality, I need you too!

I need you more than you will ever need me. 

Written by, Sarah Bybee

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.