Posts Tagged ‘autism mom’
Did You Know?
Right now, someone is playing charades, A child, wide-eyed, his voice upward inflected, A voice, but not words, His every desire affected. Did you know every word, Out of every girl and boy, Is not a given, it’s a gift, It’s a little piece of joy? Have you heard the screams ringing in your ears? A longing, disguised in sound. The weight of his need to be known, Bringing his whole body to the ground. Have you felt your frustration tremor just under your love, And wondered when the ground…
Read MoreWhy did this happen to us?
My husband and I often ask ourselves, “Why did this happen to us?” Is there a lesson that the universe is trying to teach us by giving us two children on the autism spectrum? Tonight, I think I figured it out after I attended two holiday parties. At the first party, I finally got closure about losing a friend after she made explicit comments. She thinks my child doesn’t have autism because she is not intellectually delayed and makes eye contact. My child has behavior issues (not autism) and needs…
Read MoreTo the Woman who Brought Life Back to Me
I am honoring my son’s teacher at New Connections Autism Academy, Mrs. Lisa Meeter. I want to say that this woman and this school brought life back to my child and me. After three years of fighting the public school my son went to…numerous send homes, expulsions, calls, meetings, times I almost lost my job because I had to leave my classroom to go pick up my child, this woman and the school he now attends has brought hope and happiness to our little family. She has open communication with…
Read MoreI See You Momma
I see you, momma, giving your all. Staying up into the wee hours, researching symptoms and indicators, both hoping and dreading a possible diagnosis. I see you, all alone, as your mommy gut screams something is wrong, to the disbelief of your husband and family…listing all the “absences” and “lack” of symptoms, hoping the silent missing parts will prove to others there is, indeed, a problem. I see the world you’re living in. Where bell curves taunt and intimidate and are rendered useless for you. Where, diagnosis or no diagnosis,…
Read MoreMy Motherhood
Being a mom is the biggest blessing that I have ever been given. It is also the most challenging adventure that I have ever been on. When I found out that I was pregnant, I dreamed of all the fun things my son and I were going to do. I dreamed what my son was going to accomplish. And then one day, I realized my dreams were just dreams, and that my reality was different than what I had ever imagined it was going to be. Motherhood looks different than…
Read MoreWhat Being Your Mama is Like
You know the thrill of going down a roller coaster? You’re incredibly terrified, gripping the sides, white knuckles and all. You can’t even seem to breathe. You’re dizzy, and everything is a blur. It’s so loud you can’t hear a thing. You just know you’re about to be sick. Your hair is in your face and your stomach is in your throat. “What am I going to do?” you ask. You feel completely out of control, like wherever this things takes me, that’s where I’m going. You just have to believe…
Read MoreHow Do You Do It?
In the middle December of 2014, my husband, Yuki, and I were going to talk to my parents about the decision that we had made to go through an adoption agency to adopt a child. In March, earlier that year, we had found out that our baby had not made it. No real explanation really…it was the first trimester and the babies heart had stopped. “The good news is that we know you can get pregnant,” the doctor had said. The baby stayed inside of me until October. Yup, you…
Read MoreLiving With Self-Injurious Behaviors
One thing I’ve learned as the mother to an autistic child, is that when your child has self-injurious behaviors, you’ll never be able to describe the feeling accurately. I’ve also learned that if a person doesn’t know what you’re going through, you’ll never be heard accurately. Any time that I have thought I might open up and share the fear, frustration, sorrow and deep gut wrenching pain, I’ve learned that unless a person has lived it as a parent or caregiver, they can never understand. Sometimes you get even worse,…
Read MoreWe Choose Joy, But That Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Hard
This morning Jamie and I sat on the loveseat together at 7 am drinking our coffee. Side by side. We were smooshed in. Cooper had the other couch to himself. He sat dead in the center with his treasures spread out around him. On one side were photos. To us they appear random. To him they are everything. On the other side meticulously arranged is a flyer for a local realty place, a Barney DVD case, a Pet the Cat book and the DVD, Blue Mountain Mystery. Jamie and I…
Read MoreMy Son Doesn’t Have A Special Talent
We had our son Cody’s transitional IEP meeting today. We talked about the program Cody will be attending after High School and if it will be a good fit for him. As we went around the table everyone introducing themselves, I found myself torn with emotion. Here I sit with the teachers, coordinators, OT, speech pathologist, and caseworkers who all were instrumental in helping Cody get where he is today. And it seems with every IEP meeting I always ask myself the same questions. ‘Am I doing the right thing?’…
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