Posts Tagged ‘autism mom’
When Saying “Enough” is OK
“So your saying that Hudson was recommended for speech therapy…but he isn’t currently receiving those services?” My eyes dropped down to the table in front of me. Without making eye contact with the therapist, I responded “No. I just couldn’t get him to one more appointment during the week.” Boom! Immediate mom guilt set it, and along with it came a flood of emotions that I wasn’t prepared for. First: GUILT How could I as a mother not provide my child with a therapy service that he was recommended for?…
Read MoreMany Sunny Days Ahead…
I don’t want to get out of bed today. It’s going to be another dreary, cloud filled day. My room is dark and there is not an ounce of light peeking through the cracks of my window shade. I am so tired but I know in a few short minutes that I will be needed. I am going to hear my daughter Sunny screaming for me. It’s going to be another hard day of therapy sessions, begging to get her to eat something and begging her not to hurt herself.…
Read MoreDon’t Give Up On Me—Always Take Me Along
My sweet Tristan, You amaze me everyday. Even on our hard days I hope you see how much I love you. I love your silly side. I love your playful independence and how you seek joy in your own amazing way. Take me along, sweet boy. Always take your mama along. I want to see how you see and feel how you feel. Tristan, a moment in embedded in my heart. I was singing to you. You started to scream. I said “Do you want me to stop?” You signed…
Read MoreAn Open Letter to Moms of Special Kiddos
Dear Special Needs Moms, I see you at the grocery store, the town office, the parking lots, the pediatric office, the WIC office. I know you are everywhere. I see you with those dark circles under your eyes. I see you with that calm and frazzled expression. I see you trying to hold your child and those big feelings together because the meltdown is coming for your child, or you ( or both) but you are in public. I see you celebrating that moment the world missed because they didn’t…
Read MoreWhy I Cried Happy Tears when my Son was Diagnosed with Autism
I can remember everything about the day that we received a diagnosis of autism for our Hudson. I can remember that I had to go by myself to that appointment because my husband couldn’t get off work. I can remember sitting at the table across from the psychologist and what felt like a rather sterile environment considering it was a pediatric development office. I sat there with a nervous pit in my stomach, anticipating what we might talk about but at the same time fearful to hear those words. With…
Read MoreExposing him to the Outside World
I went to the bank today. A mundane errand to most…but never to me. In fact, when I have time, I make it a point to get out of my car and go inside the establishment. I do this for two reasons. One: I like to get my steps in where I can, and I also like to encourage my kids to do the same. Two: My son Dawson LOVES the bank. As soon as we walk in, he goes straight for the chairs. You know those fancy ones they…
Read MoreI Used To Be So Much
I haven’t always been comfortable in my own skin. Truthfully, I’m still not. But I’m trying. Trying to silence the voice which says… You used to be thin. You used to be beautiful. You used to be brave. All those things. I am grappling with the truth of a life that is far from what I expected. Autism has thrown me a curve ball and I’m still fumbling the catch some two years later. The ghosts of perfection still haunt me. But. I’m stronger now. I’ve learned to raise a…
Read MoreAn Autism Mom out in the Wild
I’m off on my first trip without my son. I ordered everything from Amazon as I can’t shop in stores with him. I ordered all the groceries for the weekend so they won’t have to go out. I feel like I’m prepared to do this first trip solo. It’s been 4.5 years….I can do this. Right? Well, I got everything ready and here I sit on the bathroom floor after my son is in bed trying to make my feet not look like something from Jurassic Park. It hit. The reality…
Read MoreThe Dark Place
I wanted to share something that any Autism parent will understand. It is a place that we all have been. It’s called the dark place. I go there at night when everyone is asleep. It’s when the reality and fears set in of being a parent to a special needs child. The what will happen when I’m gone place. The how will they be able to have a life of their own and build a meaningful and reciprocal relationship place. The who will care for them when I’m not here…
Read MoreGrieving the Child I Thought I Lost
The day after Mason’s confirmed diagnosis I couldn’t shake my unexplainable feeling of loss. But I didn’t lose my child. In fact, he was sitting 3 feet away, happily lining up his cars on the tv stand, babbling in a language only he could understand. Even though he was close enough to touch, I felt a gaping hole; like part of my life, the before Autism part, had died. When we got home from the assessment appointment, I dug out Mason’s baby book. The record I had so proudly and…
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