Posts Tagged ‘Acceptance’
I Thought About Running Away
After my son was diagnosed with autism, I had all these different thoughts running through my head. Almost manically. I needed to help my kid. I needed to make this okay. I thought about moving away. I felt like this label had been tattooed on his forehead, destined to follow him everywhere. So, if we went to a new place, a new city, a new school district even, then they wouldn’t know. And it would be fine. He would be fine. Because no one would know he was autistic. Right?…
Read MoreWhen People Stare at you
I used to get so upset when people stared at you. You’d be flapping. Or making happy noises. Screeches. Grunts. High pitched screams. One second you’d be on the floor and the next running only to drop to the ground, roll, laugh and pat the ground. Or you’d be melting down. Screaming. Either way it almost sounds the same. Loud. I’d look around. Make eye contact. And look away. I’d think in my head, stop. Stop Cooper. Stop drawing attention to yourself. To us. Everyone knows. But it’s not for…
Read MoreI Need you to Show me the Way Kid
Last night we went for a walk. You and me and the baby. Sawyer was off riding bike with the neighbor kids. He finds walks with us to be a little boring I guess. The rain had finally stopped for the day and I needed to get outside the walls of our house. You know me kid and you know that sometimes mom feels a little batty when we spend all of our time inside. I buckled your brother into his stroller and helped you into your shoes and hoodie.…
Read MoreI’m Not Scared Anymore
My dear, sweet Harper. Where do I even begin. You were my first born, my first true love. When I found out that I was pregnant, I thought about all of the things that you would do. I wondered what you would be like. Would you be smart like your Daddy, sassy like your Mama? Would you play t-ball, go to dances, have a girlfriend, go to college, get married, have children of your own? I pictured it all. In my head…I could see it. I could see you, out…
Read MoreWould you be so Understanding?
I found myself out today in the community with my six year old son and my baby. We were in a group of people. We were quietly sitting. And by quietly I mean Sawyer was bouncing off the walls and the baby was chatting up a storm. Just as kids should be. Busy and happy. It was lovely. The three of us out together. I’m stretched a little thin these days so it’s nice to get time with my kids. I found myself looking around. I found myself missing Cooper.…
Read MoreDon’t Cut the Highs or the Lows Short
When I look at the toughest times in my life… My miscarriage. When my son was diagnosed with autism. When I was struggling with my marriage. Occasional money troubles. Losing people I love. I see a few common themes. One…I had no one to talk too. And two…I tried to pretend I was fine. I tried to rush through the hard. I had no one in my life that was going through similar issues. Or if they were…I had no idea. Because I was too afraid to talk about my…
Read MoreMy Most Important Lesson
I know two things to be true: My son has severe, debilitating anxiety. And, it’s not his fault. I want to say that to you again. So it sinks in. And while I do, I want you to picture our family. Jamie, me, the boys. Out in the community. Sawyer playing. The baby in his stroller. And one of us holding Cooper. Or chasing Cooper. It’s clear that he is struggling. It’s clear that we aren’t enjoying ourselves. Maybe we asked him to walk to the car. Or turn right…
Read MoreSomething as Simple as a Haircut
Sometimes autism slaps you in the face and man does it sting. Today, was one of those days. Most days we are plugging along, going to therapy, school and work and although autism is always there (Franklin is 4 and nonverbal so believe me it’s always there) it’s background noise. Franklin and Scarlett are healthy and happy and so is our family. But then something as simple as a haircut, changes everything and autism is smack in your face, rearing its ugly head. We have been putting it off for…
Read MoreHere I am Again
Quietly I sit listening to the silence of our home. I hear the peaceful sounds of my family’s dreams. Yet here I sit. Wide eyed with an exhausted body and mind. How could I shut my eyes when all I see are my fears of his unknown future? Worrying. Praying. Researching. Learning. This is my time. My time the thoughts I push away in the daylight creep in. I hate how they settle in for the night and determine their own curfew—when to call it good and let my mind…
Read MoreThe Little Boy in the Mirror
Young boy looks in the mirror and wonders, who am I to you? I know I’m some kind of different and not less Yet I’m more than just a condition Just have to accept me with love and understanding Because I’m that amazing, unique, and special all wrapped in one I see that little boy in the mirror now and I say You’re perfect just who you are Love doesn’t need no words You are worth everything and more Still I accept just who you are Because just like the…
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