Don’t Cut the Highs or the Lows Short

When I look at the toughest times in my life…

My miscarriage. When my son was diagnosed with autism. When I was struggling with my marriage. Occasional money troubles. Losing people I love.

I see a few common themes.

One…I had no one to talk too. And two…I tried to pretend I was fine. I tried to rush through the hard.

I had no one in my life that was going through similar issues. Or if they were…I had no idea. Because I was too afraid to talk about my own feelings.

I felt so alone. I felt different. I struggled with my emotions and not getting them out.

So I stayed silent. I lived in denial for a while. I lied to myself and to others.

I didn’t bring these topics up with friends. I didn’t chat with my coworkers about them.

Honestly, I didn’t even say too much to my mom or sister.

Why? Maybe I didn’t want to people to think I was weak. Or maybe I was embarrassed of my emotions. Or maybe, I was scared.

I became the queen of, ‘I’m fine.’

But each of these periods of my life were monumental. And I learned more from them than I can even put into words.

And to be clear, there will always be people in your life telling you that you are doing it wrong. That’s just life.

One of the questions that I’m often asked is how I do severe autism so positively. And these aren’t bad people asking me this question. These are moms and dads who are exhausted. They are beaten down by life, kids, obligations.

I get it. I’ve been there. Hell, sometimes I’m there weekly!

And the answer is complicated. Because I don’t feel positive all the time. I don’t always feel strong.

Many days I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. Up and down. Huge wins followed by low points. Most of which aren’t shared with the world.

I don’t share all the hard. Why? Because I’m not ready to tell that part of our story.

So how do I stay so positive all of the time?

I allow myself to feel everything. The good. The bad. The sad. The grief. All of it.

I allow myself to feel all of my emotions. I don’t cut frustration or grief short because someone tells me I shouldn’t feel this way. Or that I’m doing it wrong.

I don’t use false positivity anymore to cover up any of my highs or lows.

For example, when I see a group of preschoolers talking about life, I allow myself time to acknowledge that it’s hard to have an 8 year old who doesn’t talk.

Because it is. And it doesn’t mean I love him any less. It’s just means that sometimes I get sad about it.

And it’s okay to say that.

By feeling it all, and sitting in it for a while, I’ve noticed the lows pass quicker for me. Because I’m not pretending to feel something I’m not.

I allow myself to feel it all without fear and judgement.

I stopped caring what others think about me. I don’t seek about negative things written about me.

I just do me. Every single day.

And I give my kids their absolute best life. Hug them. Love them. Support them.

My advice…feel it all. Because once you do…that is when the true healing will happen.

I promise.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

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