But She Doesn’t Look Like She Has Autism
I hear these words so many times when I relate to someone that Alana is autistic.
I’m so glad she can speak; she has no problem with that. She was able to read any book given her by age 6.
We never really sounded out letters too much; just what Kindergarten taught her. But one day she magically just started to read and loves it.
But there are behavior issues that will wear me down.
Anywhere we go, I constantly watch her. I don’t leave her alone.
I did take her to church a few times and she went to a class, but she told them she wanted to die.
It’s too much to explain that this is her way of saying, I’m sad right now.
She swears and knows exactly how to use her words!
When I hit the side of the garage backing my car out, she said, “What the F….., Grandma!”
If she gets angry at school when things don’t go her way, she will say things to her teachers like, “You are an idiot, “or “You are a slave.” Or “I’m walking out the door.”
Or I f…..in hate this s…” She rolls on the floor when she can’t focus.
One of our biggest concerns was her potty training. She never used a potty, but when she was 3 ½ , she started using the commode. Our commode.
When she was at Head Start, a little girl’s glasses fell in the commode and one of the commodes plugged up.
So, she has never forgotten that.
Every time she goes to the bathroom, she checks to make sure the water isn’t moving, and the right amount of water is in the toilet.
She asks if it’s broke or going to blow up. She won’t go to the bathroom at school and will hold it all day until she’s home.
Very occasionally, she will go if we are at a restaurant. But we must keep the door open, and she takes several minutes to be able to trust that the commode will not plug up or break.
She can’t go if someone else is using a public restroom. We usually sing our ABC’s while she goes.
Since I live a couple blocks from her, she calls me to ask if I’ll help her pee or poop. I have made special trips to her house to help her poop but lately, she’s ok if I’m on the phone with her.
There was a time when she was about 4 years old, that she wouldn’t poop. She would hold it in, so we took her to her regular doctor, and he prescribed MiraLAX.
She still wouldn’t go but would have little smears in her underwear. We went to a specialist, and she just told us this was part of her autism.
This went on for a long time before she finally started pooping again somewhat normal. We used to tell her, Mommy poops, Grandma poops, everyone poops.
We even got a book for her about pooping. One day she asked, “Does Jesus poop?” I said, “ah no, I don’t think so.” She said, “Does he hold it in?”
Somedays I laugh and somedays I lose my patience with her.
She goes through different stages, like obsessive compulsive washing of hands and feet.
She needed to wash her feet and get cream on them before socks and shoes to go somewhere.
Sometimes it took twenty minutes for her to feel ok with her feet. She would take her shoes off several times after putting them on.
On and on it went. She would get itchy and need to take her shoes off and get more cream on them.
Jesus said, “Patience is a Virtue.” Well I must have a little bit of that quality.
She was thrown out of her first daycare at age 2, kicked out of another daycare several times, kicked out of Kindergarten and First Grade.
So, what does the future hold?
Her mom, a single parent, and I, her mom’s only support, take it day by day.
I think my slogan should be something like the song, “I get knocked down, but get up again, nobody can keep me down.”
Written by, Dottie Hillard
My name is Dottie Hillard, grandmother to 7-year-old Alana, who has high functioning autism. I host an Autism Support Group on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/
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