Finding My Independence

We lasted 15 minutes at our neighborhood 4th of July celebration tonight. He didn’t even see a firework. His anxiety has been high all week, I knew better. I feel guilty for taking him but know I would have felt guilty if we didn’t attempt to go. I hugged my dude and put him to bed. He loves bedtime flashlight story time. He doesn’t even care he missed the fireworks. Yet I’m back in the sorrows tonight. It’s so crazy how up and down it all is. There are no…

Read More

We Want You Here

We. Want. You. Here. Four words, 13 letters. Those four words are words that I just recently realized have a huge impact, not just on the recipient, but on the person saying them. As a family, we spent years adapting to autism. We started with Early Intervention when he was 18 months, moved into a public pre-school program when my tiny nonverbal child was just three and could barely walk up and down stairs. We walked circles with his baby brother around Children’s Hospital three days a week for two…

Read More

Unexpected Spectrum

When my wife Tammy and I met, we had four children between us; two from her first marriage, and two from mine. After a few years of being married we became like any other couple. We talked about having a child. We had yours and mine, and now we wanted the ours. Tammy, having her tubes tied after her second child, made it a little more difficult to get what we wanted. We could choose the surgery route to reverse her previous procedure, which costs a lot of money with…

Read More

What I Want for my Child

It is easy to get caught up in the monotony of the everyday struggles. The therapies, the meltdowns, sensory issues, working on simple tasks like dressing and potty training while other kids my daughter’s age are going to dance class and mastering writing. It may seem that my daughter is missing out, that our family is missing out on so many things life has to offer, and sometimes that is true. When I start to feel overwhelmed or a little sad about what I’m not able to do I stop…

Read More

Dear Family, Friends, and Even Strangers

Thank you. Thank you for pouring positivity into my life. Thank you for the kind words. Thank you for trying to supply me with hope. On my days when I post, comment, or even mention in conversation how I long for normalcy and desire making memories often associated with raising children, I know you mean well when you reply stating how happy my son is and offer the encouraging words of “Don’t worry about what others do! Just enjoy making memories and special moments with your little family!” I know…

Read More

What about you Baby Girl?

I tell myself the mom guilt gets easier. I mean, he’s only three. Every night I lay my head down and I know I’ve done right by your brother, but what about you? How many times were you looking for attention only to be told, “One minute baby”. We both knew it wouldn’t be a minute and away you went. It’s that mom guilt at night that punches me in the stomach. Did you get enough attention today? No, we’ll have to grab your best friend tomorrow and head to…

Read More

I can’t do it anymore…

“I can’t do it anymore.” I’ve said this more times this last month that I’ve lost count. I’ve said it in my head. I’ve said it to my husband Adam, and to friends. I’ve even said it out loud sitting next to the most beautiful little innocent soul. I’m not perfect. I am no where near it. I say and feel things I shouldn’t. I get angry. I yell. I cry. I get frustrated. And at times I think others have it better, or easier. I crumble every single day.…

Read More

You haven’t Failed

It’s almost time for Parent-Teacher conferences. If you’re like me, when the teacher speaks about those areas that need improvement, it can feel as if you’re the one being assessed. I remember meeting with my oldest child’s kindergarten teacher several years ago. When she handed me the progress report, I immediately noticed one thing. Well, one letter – N. For Needs improvement. There it was beside Ties shoelaces independently. “I’m the one who needs improvement,” I thought. “I haven’t taught her how to tie her shoes! I’ve failed her.” It…

Read More

The Other Side of the Table

I am no stranger to the IEP process that’s for sure. I just finished my 12th year as a special education teacher in a small town in the thumb of Michigan and I absolutely love my job. I’ve known I wanted to be a special education teacher since my junior year of high school and I pride myself in always trying my absolute best to put the students first and try to create great relationships with my students’ parents. I can’t tell you how many IEP meetings I have run…

Read More

To all the Superhero Dads — Thank You

Adam, remember when Noah was born, and I gave you a gift. It was a “new daddy kit” and it had a parenting book – a humorous one of course. And I honestly can’t even remember what else I threw in there. Just goes to show you we really didn’t need or use any of the so called necessary tools. I honestly feel there is nothing that can prepare you for what being a parent really entails. Because even what you’re told to prepare for, chances are that won’t be…

Read More