What about you Baby Girl?
I tell myself the mom guilt gets easier. I mean, he’s only three.
Every night I lay my head down and I know I’ve done right by your brother, but what about you?
How many times were you looking for attention only to be told, “One minute baby”. We both knew it wouldn’t be a minute and away you went.
It’s that mom guilt at night that punches me in the stomach.
Did you get enough attention today?
No, we’ll have to grab your best friend tomorrow and head to the park.
You never finished telling me about art class, or did you. What where you saying?
Oh yeah, brother darted down the sidewalk running 3 houses down. You didn’t get to finish your story because you went in to set your stuff down while I grabbed your brother.
At dinner, you were saying something about a sleep over. Did you want one, or had someone invited you. I suppose I’ll ask you again at breakfast.
Every morning, you get up, get your school stuff together, get dressed, and wait. Wait until brothers finally willing to put on pants.
Than you grab your bags and his bags and meet us at the car. See you are only 7, but you know mom needs to be able to catch your brother.
Though he’s made huge steps in terms of safety and eloping, that doesn’t mean we can let our guard down.
When I pick you up, you are so ready to get brother and hear about his day at ABA therapy. You know every therapist by name.
On the way home you ask things like, “Did I have therapy?” Because to you all you see is your brother playing and once again getting attention you don’t get.
You are seriously a blessing baby girl, I hope you know how loved and cherished you are.
We are all learning, but somehow you’ve always just gotten it. You know brother has autism, but to you he’s just your little brother.
You rejoice in every accomplishment. You shriek in excitement when you see a new skill. You are so excited he’s adding words.
I remember us driving you to school, you looked at me through the rearview and said “Momma, I hope you know I’ll always watch out for CJ. He can move in with me when I’m older”
I cried. One because you’re so darn sweet and aware. And two because this is clearly something you’ve thought about.
You see my exhaustion, you see what your brother requires day in and day out. Now, that’s long in our future, and I have hope.
Yet you stopped and thought about what would happen when we’re older.
You are seven, and I hoped to keep you sheltered from reality just a bit longer.
But what about you baby girl? What about everything you’ve accomplished.
You’ve excelled in school and read well above your age group. You are brilliant and funny. You’re kind to everyone, always.
You have made this parenting thing look so easy.
I hope you grow up and never resent us. I hope instead it builds your already kind heart up to do great things.
Your compassion and grace far exceeds most adults I know. Your heart is filled with love.
I worry because I am your mother, but you continually show me you got this better than I do.
Written by, Michele Rudd
Michele Rudd. I am a married mother of two amazing kiddos. Cameron,7 and CJ,3 with autism. My children are my whole world.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
