Posts Tagged ‘sibling’
We Have Perfected Splitting Up
We were standing in a group of friends. Sawyer and I. Waiting in line with five other families. Dozens of kids. I watched him subconsciously glance around. Taking it all in. I wonder if he ever realizes that most of these kids, his friends, are his brother’s age. 8. They are talking about scary movies, Pokémon cards and mini doughnuts. As kids do. Part of me thinks he doesn’t even realize Cooper’s age. Probably because his favorites are Barney and First Word Books. I get it. He tugged on my…
Read MoreWhat if he has Autism Mama
You were sitting on the living room floor trying to build a tower with your Legos. At six years old you looked like a teenager sitting there. Your baby face is completely gone. Your legs are getting long. Your hair so blonde and eyes so brown. The baby was all over you. On your legs. In your lap. Pulling at your toys. You kept rotating away from him. But he was onto you. You moved. He moved. I hear you yell, ‘Harbor! You wild baby!’ I looked up and you…
Read MoreThe Role of a Big Brother
I know being his big brother is different than you imagined… You were 4 when I was pregnant with our rainbow baby. You knew mommy was pregnant before this but the baby didn’t make it and we would try again. You were beyond excited. You told me you secretly wished it would be a sister but you were totally ok if it turns out to be a brother. After we found out for sure it was a boy you exclaimed “oh, I change my mind mommy I’m so excited to…
Read MoreHis Big Brother
This baby is so in love with his older brother. He stares at him. Follows him everywhere. Wants to be right next to him. Touches his things. Giggles at his sounds. Climbs on him. He isn’t scared. He doesn’t know he’s nonverbal. Autism isn’t a thing to him. This is his big brother. His amazing big brother. And Cooper is doing unbelievable tolerating him. 10 months ago I was so scared. Tears of worry were shed. They are growing up together. I can’t wait to see where this relationship ends…
Read MoreWhy is he the Hardest One?
‘Mama, I want to get a bait caster. It’s for fishing. Then I can catch huge ones like dad.’ Pause. Silence. ‘Mama, when you chew gum and then drink water, does it feel weird in your mouth?’ ‘Sometimes I guess.’ ‘Yeah, I don’t like it one bit. Maybe I won’t chew gum anymore. But I like gum. Maybe I won’t drink water. Yes, that’s a better idea.’ Giggle. Pause. Silence. ‘Mama, what is 6 plus 6?’ ’12 buddy.’ ‘Oh, what’s 12 plus 6 because that’s how many bait casters that…
Read MoreWho Wouldn’t Want a Brother like you?
To my son on his 3rd birthday: You’ve been through so much in your first three years of life. And no I’m not just talking about the eight surgeries you had before you were two years old. Or the daily therapy sessions and weekly doctor appointments. I’m talking about your relationship with your two siblings. Your brother has Autism and is sensitive to touch. Your sister prefers to be by herself and likes her space. I see you making friends everywhere we go. The park, the grocery store, restaurants, whoever…
Read MoreTell Them He’s Autistic Mama
We were swimming in the pool at the hotel. It was our fourth time in two days. My boys love water. It’s the one and only activity that the two oldest will actually do together. It’s also an activity that we can all enjoy. We would spend all of our time in the pool if we could. Sawyer is always drawn to other kids. He’s been that way his whole life. If he sees a little kid enter the water, he will be with him or her. Cooper, he’s oblivious.…
Read MoreLetting him Experience Life without Me
This one. This one right here. He was the little for almost six years. Now he’s the middle. In a way he’s always been the oldest. He knows that. I know that. It used to be unspoken about. Until one day he asked me. He said, ‘I’m the older brother, aren’t I mom?’ I smiled. I cried. I hugged him. He knew. He loves fishing, riding bike, playing baseball and hockey. He loves being away from home. Being gone. Doing stuff. Socializing. He has no time for movies or iPads.…
Read MoreWhat about you Baby Girl?
I tell myself the mom guilt gets easier. I mean, he’s only three. Every night I lay my head down and I know I’ve done right by your brother, but what about you? How many times were you looking for attention only to be told, “One minute baby”. We both knew it wouldn’t be a minute and away you went. It’s that mom guilt at night that punches me in the stomach. Did you get enough attention today? No, we’ll have to grab your best friend tomorrow and head to…
Read MoreAm I the Big Brother Mama?
I asked you to watch your brother for a second while I made lunches. Which you gladly agreed too. The first thing you ask for when you come downstairs in the morning or in from outside is your baby brother. I heard you talking to him, like you always do. So sweet. You were telling him all about BeyBlades. And how cool there are. You were hugging him on the couch. Holding him so he wouldn’t fall. Every few seconds you would squish the whoopie cushion. Harbor would laugh hysterically.…
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