Looking into the Future

We chatted today. I was the mom next to you in the neurologists office with the two redheaded girls.  Even if my girls weren’t loud and imposing in small spaces, I’m sure you would still remember us. I saw you watching them as you nervously waited for your appointment.  And after seeing your beautiful little girl, I’m pretty sure we share more than a love of Wawa frozen cappuccinos.  As your little lady sat on the floor with her kindle, I’m guessing I saw more than most moms would in this…

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No Autism, Just Love

“Today has been tough. Aubrey has told me all day long, “I don’t want a brother.” Multiple times, and always very serious and sad. I asked her why she felt that way and she said, “Because he just cries too much.” I froze. Aside from wanting to tell her that she does the same and yet we still keep her around, I decided to give her grace instead. I tried to explain to her why her brother gets upset sometimes, and has a hard time staying calm, and that it’s…

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Is That What You Want?

I just received a phone call from the office that my son’s doctor referred us to for an autism evaluation. I expected they would be calling soon to schedule an appointment. What I didn’t expect was what actually took place on the phone. I just sat there like an idiot, not even sure what to say. *Ring Ring Me: Hello Her: Hi, is this Mrs. Foster? Me: Yes it is. Her: I’m calling from (insert office name here). We received a referral for your son for autism testing. (quiet pause)…

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At Least She’s Healthy

When your son was diagnosed with cancer my daughter had long been diagnosed with autism.  They were in the two’s together and every day my little girl showed up with a Birth to Three therapist. I’m sure you saw us. She was the only one who needed a therapist to get through the day. To put a cup to her lips and push her chin up. The girl who had meltdowns and ran down the hall spinning, tumbling laughing maniacally. I remember when I heard about your son. I went…

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I Thought About Running Away

After my son was diagnosed with autism, I had all these different thoughts running through my head. Almost manically. I needed to help my kid. I needed to make this okay.  I thought about moving away. I felt like this label had been tattooed on his forehead, destined to follow him everywhere. So, if we went to a new place, a new city, a new school district even, then they wouldn’t know. And it would be fine. He would be fine. Because no one would know he was autistic. Right?…

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Our Winding Road back to Preschool

My son, two years ago you were about to make your official preschool debut. You were almost 22 months. I was so happy to have finally gotten you into your sister’s school. I had been begging for a spot since you were 15 months. I felt you badly needed to be in that environment with other children, I guess I already had a hunch. This was going to be so great! You would be with your sister all day, she could walk you to your room, watch over you on…

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Autism is not a Dirty Word

In November 2016, my son, Jasper, had recently turned 4 years old and I finally decided to do it. If not for me, for him. My mother and other family members kept suggesting that something wasn’t right. I had already started him in speech therapy and preschool to work on his delayed language skills. Jasper’s teachers even suggested it could only help, not hurt. I thought he just had some learning deficits or was a slow starter and he just needed patience. I didn’t want it to be true. My…

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What it Could Be

A long time ago, back before the diagnosis, before autism was a word in our vocabulary, I had a little boy. He was two years old. He had blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was busy. So busy. He never stopped moving. Sometimes not even when he was sleeping. He was rarely happy or content. He screamed in the car. He screamed when we were outside. He screamed in restaurants and stores. No matter what we did, he wasn’t happy. I knew something was wrong. But I didn’t know what…

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I’m Not Scared Anymore

My dear, sweet Harper. Where do I even begin. You were my first born, my first true love. When I found out that I was pregnant, I thought about all of the things that you would do. I wondered what you would be like. Would you be smart like your Daddy, sassy like your Mama? Would you play t-ball, go to dances, have a girlfriend, go to college, get married, have children of your own? I pictured it all. In my head…I could see it. I could see you, out…

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Mom sends Son with Autism on a Plane with $10 Note

As a parent to a child on the spectrum, I worry constantly about how people will treat my son. All parents do. When the child has special needs, it’s time a hundred. I worry when I’m there. I worry when I’m not there. He can be loud. He can be challenging. He’s a big kid. And yes, he can be funny and adorable too. There is no doubt about that. But he is spirited. And like every other parent, I worry. I’ve said numerous times, the problem is in no…

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