Sorry for the Delay, I’ve been Sad

I looked down at my cell phone this morning. 37 unread text messages. 37. Dear God. Thousands of unread emails and Facebook messages. Have I been on vacation? No. Taking a social media/world time out? I wish. Nope. It’s been a long couple of weeks. My baby isn’t sleeping. And by isn’t sleeping I don’t mean waking up once a night. I mean waking up 3-5 times a night. And then I got hit with a cold. That happens when I get over tired. My body literally shuts down. It’s…

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The First Person Who Said It

As goes the public domain of the internet, all bloggers get trolls on their pages. I handle them by deleting their posts and shutting them down. I deleted four comments this week because I’m too busy to engage with people who can’t be reached. I want to be here for all of the moms who have emailed me and reached out to tell me how my story has helped them.  This leads me to why I share our story. Why do I expose myself to the crazies of the internet? …

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Is That What You Want?

I just received a phone call from the office that my son’s doctor referred us to for an autism evaluation. I expected they would be calling soon to schedule an appointment. What I didn’t expect was what actually took place on the phone. I just sat there like an idiot, not even sure what to say. *Ring Ring Me: Hello Her: Hi, is this Mrs. Foster? Me: Yes it is. Her: I’m calling from (insert office name here). We received a referral for your son for autism testing. (quiet pause)…

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Age is just a Number in our World

‘You prepare yourself as a parent for siblings to pass your disabled child by. But wait until your grandkids do too. That one will take your breath away.’ That comment. It was said to me, with love, from a mom that had been doing this for 57 years. Her son is 22. He’s like my amazing Cooper. Nonverbal. Severe. Smart. Funny. Loving. He will need lifelong care. He will forever need help bathing and brushing his teeth. He will never pay taxes or have a job. He will never get…

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Acknowledging the Forever

I am a ‘take it one day at a time’ kind of mom. And some days, when my kids aren’t sleeping or I feel like I am losing my mind, I’m a ‘take it one hour at a time’ mom. Just make it through the day. To bedtime. Or through the night. The sun will surely rise. This mothering thing will be easier tomorrow. It’s a new day. But I want you to know that I didn’t start to truly accept my son’s special needs until I began to feel…

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To the Mom who is Trying to Figure out who She is After Special Needs:

I thought I would be a boy mom. A baseball mom. A hockey mom. A social mom. A mom with a lot of friends. A cool mom. A successful mom. Autism challenged every one of those titles for me. I am brave enough to say that. The role of special needs mom overpowered it all. It turned my whole world completely upside down. And inside out. And backwards. It demanded I slow down. And move faster at the same time. It demanded I speak out and yet learn to hold…

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A Simple Trip to the Store

Four years ago, when my autistic son was four years old, I took him to Target. He had just been diagnosed with autism. Life was just starting to get more challenging. The list of places we could go and things we could do was getting smaller. Anything outside of our home was nearly impossible. He struggled to walk, to ride in a cart or stroller, to be calm, to wait, you name it…we felt it. But I needed something from Target. I needed to pick up a prescription. I needed…

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What Happens When We Are Gone?

The company where I work does a job for a regular customer a couple times a year.  She has a child who’s somewhere on the autism spectrum.  From the few times that I have actually seen her, she seems to be fairly verbal, and smart.  But, she has also been in the same school as Amelia for most of her life.  Although, I think, its been off and on for the last few years. The mother is an older lady.  In her eighties, I believe.  The daughter is somewhere in…

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Thank you to Those who Don’t Give Up

He had just turned three years old. It was Mother’s Day weekend. My third one. I picked him up from daycare and she said…’He refused to put his hand in paint and I don’t do art projects for kids. You don’t care about my work.’ I remember watching all the kids toddle up to their moms carrying little messily wrapped packages. Huge smiles from the kids, so excited to show off their homemade gift. My son was sitting in the dirt driveway. Picking up the sand, sifting it through his…

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At Least She’s Healthy

When your son was diagnosed with cancer my daughter had long been diagnosed with autism.  They were in the two’s together and every day my little girl showed up with a Birth to Three therapist. I’m sure you saw us. She was the only one who needed a therapist to get through the day. To put a cup to her lips and push her chin up. The girl who had meltdowns and ran down the hall spinning, tumbling laughing maniacally. I remember when I heard about your son. I went…

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