I Thought About Running Away

After my son was diagnosed with autism, I had all these different thoughts running through my head. Almost manically. I needed to help my kid. I needed to make this okay.  I thought about moving away. I felt like this label had been tattooed on his forehead, destined to follow him everywhere. So, if we went to a new place, a new city, a new school district even, then they wouldn’t know. And it would be fine. He would be fine. Because no one would know he was autistic. Right?…

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When Hard Work Pays Off

This kid played one heck of a baseball game tonight. He hit the ball twice WITHOUT mom’s help. He ran the bases and didn’t need my help to stay calm! He clapped, cheered and perfected the double high five-down low-up high-chest bump with mom. Grandma and Grandpa were there cheering so he brought his best game! He even stopped mid-base to wave at them and request they clap. In the field he snagged a few balls, ran them back to the coach and took in a few minutes of Thomas…

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I Don’t Know How You Do It

I don’t know how you do it. Those seven words grate on my very last nerve. What do you mean how do I do it? Isn’t that what a parent is supposed to do? Isn’t that our #1 job? When I entered this parental world, I never imagined it would be like this. I never knew such a deep love and sadness all wrapped in to one. I never knew Autism. Autism knows no bounds. It ravishes your life piece by piece. Autism takes away so much. It takes away…

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Watch our Son with your Heart

Many emotions arise each time we start a new chapter with our son Benton.  I hope for understanding in a world that speaks only with our mouth and so seldom our hearts.    Benton was given the ability to speak only with his heart.  Watch him with more than your eyes.  Look beneath the supposed behavior and imagine what he may be saying to you by his movements and sounds.  Conclusions must not be rushed to with our children.  Think first what could have caused him to cry, or run…

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I used to Say I was Broken

I don’t think I will ever be able to put into words how hard autism hit me. And I don’t mean the word. Or the years up to getting the diagnosis. Yes, that was all hard. There is no doubt about that. The realizing something was off. The no sleep. Struggles to get him to eat. Or play. Or be content. Or go anywhere. Or acknowledge people. Well-child visits to the doctor where I could see milestones slipping away. The realization he was nothing like other kids his age. Or…

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What your Child’s Teacher wants you to know…

Dear parents, I guess emotions are running high at this time of year; excited for back to school and some peace and quiet, but nervous about how your child is going to settle back into routine, what will his new teacher be like, will her SNAs be kind, will they understand him, will they manage if he has a meltdown? I imagine some of these questions are going around in your head at the moment and as a teacher I can tell you that we understand. We understand that these…

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Our Winding Road back to Preschool

My son, two years ago you were about to make your official preschool debut. You were almost 22 months. I was so happy to have finally gotten you into your sister’s school. I had been begging for a spot since you were 15 months. I felt you badly needed to be in that environment with other children, I guess I already had a hunch. This was going to be so great! You would be with your sister all day, she could walk you to your room, watch over you on…

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Why Parents of Kids with Special Needs Stay Silent

As parents of kids with special needs we know our lives are different than most. Our highs are higher and our challenges are more significant. While our peers are registering kids for sports we are arguing with the insurance company about the cost of a stroller. Or trying to figure out a new behavior. We are getting babysitters for teenage kids and researching a new medication. We are putting up door alarms and trying to balance the world of special needs with the typical world. And we are celebrating our…

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Someday you will Leave Sweet Boy

On particularly emotional parenting days I’ll watch them sleep. Sharing a bed. Neither one acknowledging the other one until bedtime. 8:30 will roll around. Sawyer will still be in the backyard hitting baseballs or riding his bike over a jump with his friends. Like clockwork, Cooper will look around, grab his blanket with one hand, put his other hand on his check to mimic sleeping and say, ‘SSSS-AH-ER.’ ‘You want Sawyer buddy?’ He’ll say yes and point upstairs. I typically take him up and get him ready for bed while…

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I had Plans for us Kid

I had plans for us kid. Big plans. Plans that I can admit didn’t include autism. I was going to be one of those moms. The super involved moms. You were going to be in sports. And have so many playdates and friends and birthday parties. We would have couple friends. Who had kids the same age. You were going to say the darndest things. Of course be adorable. And then handsome. And smart. We were going to travel. And be really, really busy. We would have endless conversations and…

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