Posts Tagged ‘autism blog’
I have the Challenging Kid
I have the challenging kid. The one who doesn’t want to cooperate or participate with anything, unless there is something in it for him. Even then it’s hit or miss. And teaching him new things feels impossible, you’re always met with so much resistance. He’s loud and screams—a lot, because he has such big emotions and no way of expressing them. I have the kid who has sensory needs. He spins and goes upside down and refuses textures and adventures. He stims by squealing and dancing and tapping on his…
Read MoreA Letter to Myself, an Autism Mommy
Dear Me, I’m sorry I never think you do enough. You go to bed exhausted. Sleep restlessly throughout the night. In between the 3 A.M. googling and night awakenings from you child, you still dream. I’m sorry you still dream. It’s never the exact dream, but that pain in your heart feels the exact same. Your nonverbal child said, “Mom…” “…I love you…” “…I’m good.” Or worse, your child has a whole conversation with you, as if their voice has always been there. Then your tired eyes open. You try to…
Read MoreI’m Living his Life Now
As I start my fourth year as an Autism parent, I’m finding that my relationships with others are changing. I have worked so hard the last three years to make it all work, to make all the events and to try to still be a “typical” Mom but I’m not. I actually enjoy following my kids routine. It’s my routine too. I’m just like him, I don’t like the unknown or a change in plans. When we are out on a family outing, I’ve been on edge the whole time…
Read MoreHow Can I Live Forever?
Once upon a time, you were just a small girl, but now you are almost grown-up. At the age of 16, I have realized just how quick adulthood is coming, and how this is the time I dreaded for so long. When you were little, and I knew something was different, I knew that something wasn’t completely right. I didn’t know what to do, I was young and I was naive and thought that it would change. I thought that maybe it was a” phase”, that the talking would come,…
Read MoreAutism is not a Dirty Word
In November 2016, my son, Jasper, had recently turned 4 years old and I finally decided to do it. If not for me, for him. My mother and other family members kept suggesting that something wasn’t right. I had already started him in speech therapy and preschool to work on his delayed language skills. Jasper’s teachers even suggested it could only help, not hurt. I thought he just had some learning deficits or was a slow starter and he just needed patience. I didn’t want it to be true. My…
Read MoreDignity and Chocolate Pudding
I remember the first time that I had this feeling. My daughter Liz was around 5 or 6 years old and it was school picture day. She was so proud of the new dress that she was wearing for the photos. When I picked her up from school that day, she had jam on the front of her dress and my heart sank. A few weeks later, the pictures came home from school. Sure enough, in the photos there was jam on her dress and there were tears in her…
Read MoreMy Son, Keep Being You
My son, It’s been over 4 years since your mom and I found out we was going to have a baby. I remember when she told me. I was excited, but I was freaking out too. I always wanted a son or daughter. That was what I was excited about. I was nervous, because of the troubles your mother and I have had trying to have a baby. We had miscarriages, and we done testing. We did not know if having a child was in the cards for us. You…
Read MoreThe Big Elephant in the Room
Recently, my son Stalen and I were getting groceries. The cashier was super nice and began talking to me as she scanned our stuff. She also tried to strike up a conversation with Stalen. When he didn’t respond to her she asked me if he was shy. I quickly told her that he has autism and is non-verbal. She asked, “will he ever talk”? I felt myself cringe and I could feel the lady in line behind me leaning in. It wasn’t the question that bothered me, it was the…
Read MoreWhy is he the Hardest One?
‘Mama, I want to get a bait caster. It’s for fishing. Then I can catch huge ones like dad.’ Pause. Silence. ‘Mama, when you chew gum and then drink water, does it feel weird in your mouth?’ ‘Sometimes I guess.’ ‘Yeah, I don’t like it one bit. Maybe I won’t chew gum anymore. But I like gum. Maybe I won’t drink water. Yes, that’s a better idea.’ Giggle. Pause. Silence. ‘Mama, what is 6 plus 6?’ ’12 buddy.’ ‘Oh, what’s 12 plus 6 because that’s how many bait casters that…
Read MoreI Will Not Miss my Son’s Life being Sad
There are a lot of things I allow on this page. Healthy debate for one. Constructive, respectful criticism for another. Why? Because that’s how we all learn. We only know what we know. And let’s be honest, most of us are living in parenting bubbles. I am not at an expert parenting level yet, even with three boys. But, there is one thing I do not allow. It’s pretty simple really. It’s criticizing the value of my child’s life. Or any other life for that matter. Autistic or not. Sick.…
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