Dignity and Chocolate Pudding

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I remember the first time that I had this feeling.

My daughter Liz was around 5 or 6 years old and it was school picture day. She was so proud of the new dress that she was wearing for the photos.

When I picked her up from school that day, she had jam on the front of her dress and my heart sank.

A few weeks later, the pictures came home from school. Sure enough, in the photos there was jam on her dress and there were tears in her eyes.

I cried that day because I felt like I had been let down.

Even worse, I felt like Liz had been let down. I knew that she deserved better.

Over the years, that feeling has come back too many times to count. Maybe it was a runny nose that didn’t get wiped, a bottom that didn’t get cleaned or hair falling in her face because no one took the time to help her fix it.

Each time it happened, it felt like a little jab to my heart.

Recently, that feeling came back in a huge way when I picked Liz up from her therapy center.

She had chocolate pudding all around her mouth.

The therapist that had been working with her all afternoon made a point to tell me that she had offered Liz a snack in the afternoon and she declined.

I knew then that the pudding had been on her mouth since lunch time. 

So, here’s a question. If you had chocolate pudding for lunch and got some of it on your face, would you walk around with it on your face all afternoon?

Probably not, right?

If my child lacks the awareness and perhaps the ability to adequately clean the chocolate pudding off of her face, do you think that she deserves to walk around with it on her face all afternoon?

As Liz and I drove home from school that day, I could feel my blood boiling.

Why was I so angry about the chocolate pudding? Then, I suddenly realized what that feeling was that had nagged at me over the years when these seemingly small things would occur.

It was my daughter’s dignity.

It was the thought that someone didn’t care enough to be sure that she walked out of school with dignity. That thought broke my heart.

Every human being deserves dignity.

It’s something that we all have a responsibility to provide for those who lack the awareness or ability to provide it for themselves.

What might seem like insignificant oversights to you are everything to me, because they show a lack of concern for my daughter’s dignity. 

I am sharing this because I know that I am not alone.

I have heard similar stories time after time from other special needs parents. Whether you work with special needs children, or you are a parent who needs to hear that you can speak up for your child, this message is for you.

I’m sharing our story because I believe that it needs to be heard.

Please know that I am so appreciative of the teachers and therapists that have worked with Liz over the years. They are literally changing lives and they deserve so much respect.

I know that their days are busy and hectic and at times overwhelming. Most of the time, however, when it comes to each child’s dignity it would only take a minute to make a world of difference. 

If you take just one minute to be sure that each child that you interact with is able to present themselves with dignity each and every day, it would mean everything to that child.

It would also mean everything to their parents. Because to them, their child’s dignity and knowing that someone cares enough is everything.

Written by, Dr. Carrie Kremer

My name is Dr. Carrie Kremer. My husband and I are both physicians and we have 3 children ages 11, 13 and 15. On our Facebook page Lessons from Liz, I write about our youngest daughter Liz. She is 11 years old, nonverbal and has a list of diagnoses including ASD, ADHD, Cognitive disability, Expressive Language Disorder, Epilepsy and a Genetic Mutation (STAG1 gene). Despite the challenges that she has faced, and how hard she has worked for every accomplishment, she is the happiest person that I know! She lights up the room and leaves a little love wherever she goes with her signature hugs. I found that when I started to share stories about Liz, people truly started to SEE her. I enjoy sharing the lessons that we are learning from her unique outlook on life! You can follow our journey on Facebook at Lessons from Liz.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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