I’m Living his Life Now

As I start my fourth year as an Autism parent, I’m finding that my relationships with others are changing.

I have worked so hard the last three years to make it all work, to make all the events and to try to still be a “typical” Mom but I’m not. 

I actually enjoy following my kids routine. It’s my routine too. I’m just like him, I don’t like the unknown or a change in plans. 

When we are out on a family outing, I’ve been on edge the whole time and was ready to leave as soon as we arrived. You have to be on high alert 24/7 and I promise you that can wear a person down. Home is our safe place.

I see your demeanor even when you think I don’t, he sees it too. These days I just can’t understand it. 

I don’t like the confusion or the struggles of trying to make new friends. 

I don’t like change or indecisiveness. 

Even though my son sleeps through the night, I don’t. I wake up every couple hours worried he may need something and I didn’t hear him. 

I don’t like loud sounds anymore or crowded rooms. I wear my headphones while grocery shopping and when I hear a baby cry I immediately go to cover my sons ears even when he isn’t with me. 

I hate small talk and forced conversations. I hate that look you don’t think you give when I say the wrong thing. 

I’m awkward. I can’t explain my life to you. I can’t even try. 

Honestly I don’t want to. I love my crazy life. I love the brutal honesty of it all. 

We don’t sugar coat, we don’t pretend we are happy when we are not. We love hard and fierce. We are always there when you need us. 

We are just different now.

We have different struggles than you do. I think if you spent some time REALLY walking in our shoes then you might realize that we are not that much different. 

Life isn’t about perfection.

I don’t have the best body, the most beautiful house or fancy cars.

I have a loving and handsome husband who is the biggest dork ever, the best kid who drives me crazy somedays and a home that we have created into our zen space. 

Life isn’t about things or perfection.

We have made ours into an autism friendly zone, surrounded by the things that make our kiddo happy.

Our life is wild, crazy and no where near “perfect” but it’s perfect to us. 

I can’t explain myself to you. I would NEVER ask that you explain yourself to me.

All I ask is for some grace and a little extra understanding. We (you too) are all doing the best we can with with life gave to us. 

My life is beautiful in its own way.

Take the time to see that, because I see how beautiful yours is.

My stress is different than your stress and I promise you that I see yours. I just wish sometimes you would see mine and try to embrace it. 

Autism is hard and I promise you that we are doing the best we can and then some. Our little dude deserves the world.

I never talk about autism for pity, I just want the world to see my boy like I do.

I want others to understand the struggles.

We want to be a part of your lives, it just looks a little different than you are used to. 

We are an Autism family.

We are a little different and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Written by, An Anonymous Mother

Finding Cooper’s Voice accepts guest posts from writers who choose to stay anonymous. I do this because so many of these topics are hard to talk about. The writers are worried about being shamed. They are worried about being judged. As a writer and mother I totally get it. But I also understand the importance of telling our stories. And this will ALWAYS be a safe place to do it.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.