Archive for October 2019
The Day My Son Hit Me
Autism is a spectrum. My son Jayden is on the severe end of that spectrum but what I always have held on to is the fact that he has never been violent, and he still has not intentionally ever hit me in a violent manner. He has swatted at me when making him push through school lessons. He has pushed me away when he did not want to do something. But he never hurt me, until today. Today, he kicked me unintentionally when I was changing him and I saw…
Read MoreA Real Tinder Profile
When we are younger, dating and know everything, we are looking for certain things in a partner. Obviously, someone we are sexually attracted too. Someone with a good sense of humor. Similar interests. A good job. Shared values. Twenty-somethings don’t think about 15 years down the line. Babies, stress, snoring, weight gain, a midlife crisis, money struggles and literally not one second to think, sit or relax. I have to laugh at what a good husband is to me now, after three kids, a mortgage, and nonstop chaos. You wouldn’t…
Read MoreWhat is it like to be Non-Speaking?
I have no words to describe what your experience must be like. I have no words, because I simply don’t know what it’s like. Only you know, my sweet boy. I have no words to describe what it must feel like to wake from a nightmare at three and a half years old, get out of bed silently, and run toward your parents’ room. What is it like to hope you find the door open, so that you can run right in? Sometimes, we forget to leave it open. Sometimes,…
Read MoreI Can’t Ever Die
I’m not sad about our lives. It’s never been sadness. Its been sheer terror. I have been terrified. What will his life be? We are so close to adulthood. What am I suppose to do now? Do the angry autism advocates online realize the thoughts running in my head? The ones where I can’t ever die because I have a child who will never live independently? Do they plan on picking him up and caring for him when I am 80? No, I’m not a “martyr mom”. I’m a terrified…
Read MoreThe Kindness of a Mom who Gets it
My husband’s team lost their football game Friday night. It was a tough loss to a rival and I know many people would love to forget it ever happened, but something wonderful happened at that game that I hope I never forget. I was tired and almost didn’t go. It had been a long week at school, but I felt guilty for missing last week’s game. Eli reconfirmed my decision to go when I told him we were going bye bye and he replied, “football?” The fact that he remembered…
Read MoreI Will Carry Cooper Mama
When Sawyer was three he asked me if we could go to a fair. I of course said…’yes, but we have to wait until summer.’ Per the usual he said to me…’can my brother go?’ I told him no. His face immediately fell. ‘Cooper can’t go with us buddy.’ I went onto explain how the fair will be too scary for him. ‘Too many sounds and people for Cooper.’ He thought about that for a minute and then looked up at me and said….’is that because he has autism?’ And…
Read MoreGood People Don’t Bully Other Parents
Parenting a child with a disability is not a competition to see who has the highest functioning kid or the most severe kid. It’s not about bullying a fellow parent for admitting they are having a hard day. It’s not about alienating them because they see something different than you do. It’s not about arguing over labels or word choice. And it’s especially not about belittling a fellow parent who is newer to the journey. A parent who is asking questions. And asking for help and support. Acceptance takes time. It…
Read MoreThe Heartache of Early Autism
A high-pitched, eardrum-puncturing, almost inhuman scream came from behind me. The sound quickly filled the room and immediately pierced my heart. Instead of turning around, I reached for the door handle, shut the door tightly, leaving her on the other side. As I walked down the stairs, her screaming never let up. I went outside, sat on our porch swing and began to gently press my bare feet into the pebbled pavement causing the swing to sway slowly back and forth. The warm rays of the sun and refreshing cool breeze beckoned me to look upward,…
Read MoreBad Timing
Want to hear about bad timing? My nephew, my little sister’s first child was born around 4 am on August 7, 2014. At 10 am that morning I was told that my 10 week old fetus had no heartbeat. The next day, my 31st birthday would be spent physically ridding my body of the baby I had prayed for…for a year. I have a photo of me holding my beautiful nephew Jackson that day. I genuinely felt such happiness for my sister and brother in law but in the picture…
Read MoreA Message From Your Child’s Occupational Therapist
Dear Parents, I remember the first mother who told me it broke her heart that her little boy couldn’t tell her about his day at school. I thought about it on the train home, then while I made my dinner, and again as I fell asleep that night. I thought of one of my Mom’s favourite stories, about how I had come home from my first day school and proudly announced I was “the best of a bad lot”. I thought about her smile when she tells this story even…
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