The Day My Son Hit Me

Autism is a spectrum. My son Jayden is on the severe end of that spectrum but what I always have held on to is the fact that he has never been violent, and he still has not intentionally ever hit me in a violent manner.

He has swatted at me when making him push through school lessons. 

He has pushed me away when he did not want to do something.

But he never hurt me, until today. 

Today, he kicked me unintentionally when I was changing him and I saw stars. 

I have never been hit in my face so hard by anyone or anything. 

I am not a graceful person and have had my fair share of injuries but nothing has quite rattled me like that kick to my face.

Never in my life did I think I would be really injured by Jayden.

I am more worried about Jayden injuring himself on a daily basis usually; until the reality check, I received today.

The reality is I am a small woman and he is growing like a weed; I am five-foot-tall exactly and weigh about one hundred and ten pounds. He is only seven and nine inches shorter than me and weighs about sixty pounds. 

We took him out of Physical Therapy when he started getting a six pack and could out rock climb adults at age four. 

I knew the day would come when he would be stronger and bigger than me but I truly did not expect that day to be today, he is only seven years old. 

I am scared for the future.

I am ashamed I might have a black eye from my sweet loving little boy kicking me in my face. 

I am worried for the next time I have to change him. 

I am nervous his super-fast swinging legs might hurt his brother or another child. 

I am scared about the judgmental world we live in judging the boy that I love so dearly.

Autism has a way to rock your world right when you think the waters are calm.

Jayden is the sweetest and happiest kid so being hurt by him intentionally or unintentionally has shaken me. 

There is no predictability when it comes to Autism. 

I feel like a victim. I do not want people to think my son is a monster. 

I have been icing my face for the last few hours praying I do not have a black eye I will have to explain or be asked about.  

I have been racking my brain for hours to think of what I could have done differently so it would not have happened.

I really would rather say I ran into the door than admit my son with Autism kicked me with all his strength and I now have a black eye. Especially to someone who does not understand or accept Autism.

Autism is the scariest ride I have even been on. Except this ride has no way to get off.

The highs are monumental and the lows are destroying. 

Written by, Kirby Morgan

My name is Kirby and I am the mom to two amazing little boys Jayden who is seven, Jaxon who is four and I have a have one bonus daughter Kayla who is seventeen from my husband’s previous marriage. My son Jayden was diagnosed with Autism at two years and four months old. I was pregnant with Jaxon when I received Jayden’s diagnosis and Jaxon was born four months after Jayden’s diagnosis. You can follow our journey at Beyond Autism Jayden’s Journey.

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