I Can’t Ever Die

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I’m not sad about our lives.

It’s never been sadness. Its been sheer terror. I have been terrified.

What will his life be? We are so close to adulthood.

What am I suppose to do now?

Do the angry autism advocates online realize the thoughts running in my head?

The ones where I can’t ever die because I have a child who will never live independently?

Do they plan on picking him up and caring for him when I am 80?

No, I’m not a “martyr mom”.

I’m a terrified one and the group where I should feel comfort rejects me simply based on their own bad experiences or because what I represent to them.

I’m told to listen to autistic voices and when I have quoted ones, I have been shut down and told it’s the wrong ones.

So, there are cliques in a clique?

How is navigating all that ever going to help my son?

I simply do not have the time nor the energy anymore.

There is only one autistic voice I will listen to and it’s my son’s. That’s it.

Written by, Eileen “Mama Fry” Shaklee

Autism is a trip I didn’t plan on, but I sure do love my tour guide. It’s better to laugh than to cry, mainly because I got distracted by the free samples at Costco and forgot to buy tissues. So, come join this one mom’s adventure with a side of sarcasm (and fries) on my blog, Autism With a Side of Fries or on Facebook and Twitter.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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