Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs Parenting’
A Letter to Myself, an Autism Mommy
Dear Me, I’m sorry I never think you do enough. You go to bed exhausted. Sleep restlessly throughout the night. In between the 3 A.M. googling and night awakenings from you child, you still dream. I’m sorry you still dream. It’s never the exact dream, but that pain in your heart feels the exact same. Your nonverbal child said, “Mom…” “…I love you…” “…I’m good.” Or worse, your child has a whole conversation with you, as if their voice has always been there. Then your tired eyes open. You try to…
Read MoreI’m Living his Life Now
As I start my fourth year as an Autism parent, I’m finding that my relationships with others are changing. I have worked so hard the last three years to make it all work, to make all the events and to try to still be a “typical” Mom but I’m not. I actually enjoy following my kids routine. It’s my routine too. I’m just like him, I don’t like the unknown or a change in plans. When we are out on a family outing, I’ve been on edge the whole time…
Read MoreHow Can I Live Forever?
Once upon a time, you were just a small girl, but now you are almost grown-up. At the age of 16, I have realized just how quick adulthood is coming, and how this is the time I dreaded for so long. When you were little, and I knew something was different, I knew that something wasn’t completely right. I didn’t know what to do, I was young and I was naive and thought that it would change. I thought that maybe it was a” phase”, that the talking would come,…
Read MoreAutism is not a Dirty Word
In November 2016, my son, Jasper, had recently turned 4 years old and I finally decided to do it. If not for me, for him. My mother and other family members kept suggesting that something wasn’t right. I had already started him in speech therapy and preschool to work on his delayed language skills. Jasper’s teachers even suggested it could only help, not hurt. I thought he just had some learning deficits or was a slow starter and he just needed patience. I didn’t want it to be true. My…
Read MoreThe Big Elephant in the Room
Recently, my son Stalen and I were getting groceries. The cashier was super nice and began talking to me as she scanned our stuff. She also tried to strike up a conversation with Stalen. When he didn’t respond to her she asked me if he was shy. I quickly told her that he has autism and is non-verbal. She asked, “will he ever talk”? I felt myself cringe and I could feel the lady in line behind me leaning in. It wasn’t the question that bothered me, it was the…
Read MoreI Will Not Miss my Son’s Life being Sad
There are a lot of things I allow on this page. Healthy debate for one. Constructive, respectful criticism for another. Why? Because that’s how we all learn. We only know what we know. And let’s be honest, most of us are living in parenting bubbles. I am not at an expert parenting level yet, even with three boys. But, there is one thing I do not allow. It’s pretty simple really. It’s criticizing the value of my child’s life. Or any other life for that matter. Autistic or not. Sick.…
Read MoreSawyer, My Brother and your Brother are Both Autistic
A few weeks ago, Sawyer received a handwritten letter in the mail from a boy named Dylan. He is 13. He has a brother with autism too. I sobbed when I read it. This little boy’s letter started a conversation I have been so desperately wanting to have with my son. Thank you Dylan and his mom. Take a read. Dear Sawyer, My name is Dylan and I am 13 years old and live in Texas. My mom watches your mom on the computer. She told me about you and…
Read MoreWho Wouldn’t Want a Brother like you?
To my son on his 3rd birthday: You’ve been through so much in your first three years of life. And no I’m not just talking about the eight surgeries you had before you were two years old. Or the daily therapy sessions and weekly doctor appointments. I’m talking about your relationship with your two siblings. Your brother has Autism and is sensitive to touch. Your sister prefers to be by herself and likes her space. I see you making friends everywhere we go. The park, the grocery store, restaurants, whoever…
Read MoreWhen People Stare at you
I used to get so upset when people stared at you. You’d be flapping. Or making happy noises. Screeches. Grunts. High pitched screams. One second you’d be on the floor and the next running only to drop to the ground, roll, laugh and pat the ground. Or you’d be melting down. Screaming. Either way it almost sounds the same. Loud. I’d look around. Make eye contact. And look away. I’d think in my head, stop. Stop Cooper. Stop drawing attention to yourself. To us. Everyone knows. But it’s not for…
Read MoreTo the Mother with her Adult Son at Thomas the Train
To the mother with her adult son at Thomas the Train: You had the oldest child here. I’m guessing he was 25. Your son was tall. He was a man. He even towered over you. I saw him immediately when you arrived. He was practically levitating he was so excited. It was like he had an aura around him. His joy. It radiated. He ran in. Loud. Arms a moving. He ran right up to Thomas and started chatting to himself. Fingers stimming. Head down. Twisting back and forth like…
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