Posts Tagged ‘severe autism’
Our World is Different
This morning you woke me up. The same way you do every single day. You come puttering in. Heavy feet. Full hands. Already giggling. You stand next to my face. You touch my cheek. Although you know that I am already awake. My mind and heart are so in tune to you Cooper that I swear I know the second you open your eyes. I joke that we are like an old married couple. You put my glasses on my face. And put my phone in my hand. And you…
Read MoreThe Rabbit Hole of Grief
The flu overtook our house this last week. First the baby. Then Sawyer. Then Cooper. And finally me. I found myself curled up in a blanket in bed yesterday afternoon. And Sawyer found me. He crawled in my bed and gave me that adorable smile of his. He went onto ask me a hundred and one questions. He asked me why rainbow trout look like rainbows. He asked me if I have ever caught a catfish. He asked me if I was a better fisherman than daddy. He told me…
Read MoreWill the Grieving Ever End?
Dear God, it’s me again. I’m tired today. I can hardly take a breath. I’m so tired of fighting for every single thing my son needs. My head is spinning and I still have so much to do. I’ve been fighting back tears lately and tonight Cody took me by the hand and led me to his room. He took his yearbook down from a shelf and motioned me to sit down with him. As I sat with him on the edge of his bed I waited as he opened…
Read MoreSkeletons in my Closet
I am so much older and so much wiser these days. And yes, so much more thin and worn out than when our eighteen year old daughter Jazz was given that autism diagnosis at age three. In those early days, I swallowed every book, watched every documentary, attended every autism-related conference in order to get a handle on this thing life had thrown my way. I was puzzled by the old moms I encountered and their silence. As a newbie to autism, I was naïve perhaps as to what changes…
Read MoreThank you Mom for Everything
I am the blessed mommy of twelve year old twin boys. Noah has severe, non-verbal autism and epilepsy. Owen is absolutely typical. When you have a child with autism, life is anything but ordinary. Today I’d like to take a moment to honor and THANK one of Noah’s champions and favorite people in the entire universe, his Grandma (my mom) Cindy. Cindy has been an integral part of Noah’s life since day one. She gladly accepted the role of caring for our boys when I returned to work after six…
Read MoreWhat a Stranger Sees
I saw you walking your dogs. You had arrived at the deserted park the same time we did. Me, Cooper, Sawyer, the baby and Jamie. A family of five. We park, the doors spring open, and immediately Cooper’s squeals of joy fill the quiet, cold air. I smiled at you. You and your two dogs. You are young. Out for a hike. I imagine you don’t have kids yet. You are a dog mom. That used to be me. Now I have three boys. We are so loud. It’s safe…
Read MoreThe Little Boy that I Get to Know
I love you my son and I’m so, so, so, very proud of all the progress you’ve made in the last couple of years. You’re now at the age where we can really see your autism. You’re at the age where people know when we go out that you’re ‘different.’ Hopefully all of us Mama’s and Dada’s have raised enough awareness that they know you have autism when they stare at you. It’s ok. I see you looking at them. You know they’re staring you don’t care and guess what…I…
Read MoreCan a Baby Heal?
One of the unique parts of autism that I try to share on this page is the relationship Cooper has with his brothers. I’m often asked, ‘Do they play together?’ ‘Do they acknowledge each other?’ ‘What is their relationship like?’ The answer was no, no and non existent. For a lot of years it was so puzzling. If I was to describe it I would say that Cooper quite literally thought he was an only child for the first five years of his life. He was two years old when…
Read MoreSilence isn’t Golden
“It will get easier when he talks,” said my mom, to me, a first time mom. I’m rocking my crying newborn and googling reflux, colic, and “breast is best.” “It will get easier when he talks,” said my mom, to me, a slightly concerned mom now. Zachary is barely making milestones on time. The doctor ask, “Is he rolling from his back to belly yet?” “Almost!” I said, trying to convince the doctor and myself. And sure enough a month goes by and he does! I assure myself God is…
Read MoreWhat I See when I Look at You
Before you were diagnosed sweet boy, I prayed for a lot of things. I prayed for answers. I prayed to find doctors that would listen to me. I prayed for strength to never give up. And I will admit, that I was so scared of the ‘word’ autism, that I prayed it was anything else. A speech delay. A developmental delay. A hearing loss. I prayed that you were just a late bloomer. That you were strong willed. Anything but that word that people were afraid to say out loud.…
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