Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
At Least He Doesn’t…
“At least he doesn’t…” When you “at least” me as a complex parent. I feel minimized. I feel shut up. I feel shut down. I feel unheard. I feel compared. I feel invalidated. I don’t let very many people into our lives, at least not in person. Mostly because I’m spent. I’ve been spent for a darn long time. And one of the reasons I’m spent is because of things like “at least”. I know people mean well, I give them the benefit of the doubt. And I also realize…
Read MoreInvisible Disabilities: What You Can’t See in This Perfect Family Photo
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but what exactly are those words? What’s the worth of something that’s carefully curated, filtered, and posed? I’ll tell you. I’m a recovering pretend-post addict, after all. Our most recent family photos were met with many words of praise: “Your children are beautiful!” “You look so gorgeous!” And the most gutting: “You have the perfect family.” No one could’ve known I was reading those comments with a pit in my throat, probably from the comfort of my bed, the one I…
Read MoreHow to Stay Sane
Sometimes I stand before people and I say stuff and then they ask me questions. How do you keep you marriage together with the stress of raising a child with autism? How can I get my son to stop biting/hitting/screaming/chewing/running? How is it you are so stunningly beautiful and well-dressed? Actually, I’ve never been asked that last question. I admit this to you in the spirit of full disclosure. When my son Jack was a little guy, throwing enormous fits and staying up all night and generally wreaking havoc on…
Read MoreWhat Got Me Through As A Mother
If I could go back in time to the day before my oldest son Conor was born I would in an instant. I would give myself the biggest hug and tell me it would all be alright, that it was going to be an incredibly painful few years ahead, that I would spend nights bawling my eyes out with worry, stress and loneliness but in the end it would be alright. I would tell me that I would stand at the water’s edge one night, ready to jump in, to…
Read MoreMy Child is Bright
Now, lets rewind to the time my son Danny was born. In the back of my mind I always knew there was something not right. I used my mothering instinct and knew something was wrong when Danny screamed and screamed without being soothed with anything possible in this world as a baby. By the time he was three years old, he had no language, no words, or even nonverbal communication was void. After much advocating, Danny was finally diagnosed at age three. ABA therapy was the best therapy at the…
Read MoreThe Graceful and Not So Graceful Lessons I learned in 2019:
Well adjusted, self sufficient, independent women can completely lose themselves to motherhood. Even ones who appear to have it all together. They can also find themselves again. Sleep deprivation presents itself as depression. And marriage problems. And weight gain or weight loss. And a whole lotta other tough words. Sleep deprivation is torture. You must find a way to sleep. Pour your energy into the positive people in your life. Surround yourself with them. Soak up their energy and laughter. Text them. Call them. Invite them into your crazy, weird…
Read MoreI Give You Permission to Whine
Did you know there are some women out their who never whine? Or complain? Or even say it’s hard. I never knew that. I really didn’t. So, when I stumbled across a post on Facebook bashing women for talking, or as they said whining, about the hard parts of life, I was shocked. Apparently, these so called whiners hate their kids and husbands. It was a lot to take in I a tell ya. I realized, they are probably talking about me. I talk, whine, complain, vent all the time.…
Read MoreI’m Not A Failure
I have to get this off my chest. This is a temporary feeling. All week… LIKE ALL WEEK. I’ve felt like a failure. Even though all week I’ve… “taken care of my daughter” “my bills are paid” “my house has food and clean clothes” and although “it’s not perfectly clean”, it’s okay enough to wait until my day off (tomorrow) to do the bigger chores. I’ve helped Gretchen, she pulled up her pajamas pants tonight. That might not seem like a big deal to most parents, but I arrived at…
Read MoreBeing Social Isn’t As Easy As We Make It Look
I take notice of every body of water now. Every stream, every river, every pond, and every lake. I’ll count the 5 gallon buckets that sit unattended in your yard, filled with rain water. I know exactly where your dogs water bowl is. I’ll shut your bathroom doors, and make sure you didn’t forget to drain your bath water. I see every candle. I panic when we come over and they are lit. I’ll feel badly when I ask you to blow them out, and set them up. I pray…
Read MoreGetting Help as a Special Needs Parent
I’ve been having some minor medical stuff going on. Nothing huge but still annoying. I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Which never happens. Simply put, I don’t have time. I explained my symptoms. A cold that never ends. A cough that keeps me up. Extreme fatigue. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Trouble sleeping. She asked if I was under stress. I laughed. Manically actually. I told her about my life. My job. About my 3 boys. Their ages. Their schedules and needs. I told her about my Cooper. About autism.…
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