Getting Help as a Special Needs Parent

I’ve been having some minor medical stuff going on. Nothing huge but still annoying.

I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Which never happens. Simply put, I don’t have time.

I explained my symptoms.

A cold that never ends. A cough that keeps me up. Extreme fatigue. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Trouble sleeping.

She asked if I was under stress. I laughed. Manically actually.

I told her about my life. My job. About my 3 boys. Their ages. Their schedules and needs. I told her about my Cooper. About autism.

I told her how his needs are severe. But I immediately followed up with…He is the most amazing thing in the world. And he is. It’s the truth.

And that it’s getting better. He’s getting better.

She said….’Oh, my dear, no one is questioning the love you have for your child. It practically radiates from you. You can say this is hard. It’s OK. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.’

She then commended me on handling this all so well. And then told me I have to find ways to alleviate my stress. Stress destroys a healthy body and can do serious damage. Stress is a silent killer.

I left feeling frustrated.

Getting help is one of the most bizarre parts of having a child with special needs.

First, you have to admit you need help…which is hard. It sucks actually.

Then once you do admit it, you naively think help will be available. Only it’s not that easy.

You have to find the help first. AND qualify. AND prove that you need the help. AND jump through the hoops. But you probably live in the wrong county or make too much money or your child doesn’t have the right kind of disability.

Honestly, most parents just give up.

There isn’t enough time in the day really. Phone calls, home visits, evaluations, questionnaires, tests, and so on.

It’s the most ironic thing really. In the beginning you’ll do everything you can to convince yourself that it’s NOT autism….then, once it is….you do everything you can to prove that it is autism so you can get help. It’s crazy.

And most parents just want someone they can trust to watch their kids. But it’s too scary. To risky. We can’t trust just anyone.

So, what do we do to help alleviate the stress? How do we care for ourselves?

I can tell you what I do. Or try to do.

I have some county resources. I’ve taken the ones that help our family the most. If it’s too much work to maintain I’ve given up. My sanity is worth more than the chaos sometimes.

I sleep every chance I get…which isn’t very often. I’ve learned to say no. And ask for help when I can. I’ve built a tribe of women who understand. I try to drink more water than coffee, shower and go for walks when I can. I look for the joy whenever I can.

I found a woman I trust to watch Cooper. I need to find more.

Now in saying all that, I need to do way more. We need to take care of ourselves moms and dads. We need to do better.

I cringe every time someone tells me I need to take a break and relax because it is never followed up with…’and here is how you do it.’

Finding help as a special needs parent can be hard. But sometimes, figuring out how to help yourself is even harder.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.