Posts Tagged ‘hope’
Waiting for Next Year…
I took the tree down the minute Christmas was over this year. Usually, I have the tree up from November through to the end of January but this year; I’m so damn relieved it’s over. This entire year I have spent worrying about next year. About sending my non-verbal son to school. I have taken him to pre-kindy at an education support school for the last 3 terms, a 2 hour session once a week which I get to stay with him, to help prepare him for Kindy next year.…
Read MoreWe’ve Never Visited Santa
We’ve never visited Santa. He’s never asked me for the coolest toy. We’ve never baked cookies together. He’s never made a Christmas list. Or sang in a Christmas pageant. No snow mans or Elf on the Shelf. For so many years, Christmas was just another day. He didn’t acknowledge the tree or decorations. He didn’t open presents. Or wake up early to see what Santa brought. I used to get sad. Holidays were hard. I had a little boy who was oblivious. And not only was he oblivious, holidays were really…
Read MoreThe Therapist Who Helped Me See My Boy
I want to thank and honor my son’s first speech therapist, Elizabeth. She, with one sentence, gave me the strength and hope for this journey we are on, and even though she isn’t our speech therapist anymore (he goes through the school district now that he is four), I replay what she said to me often. Sometimes daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. She helped me see my boy. The amazing boy he is. And not just an imaginary “what if” doom and gloom version of his life. One sentence…
Read MoreA Thank You Letter To Bubba’s Twin Brother
Dear Braidan, My sweet little buddy… I’m not sure there are words to describe just how truly thankful I am for you and everything you do for your brother…but I’m going to give it a try. Since the day I brought you and Ethan home from the hospital, you have been inseparable. You’d want to be close to each other touching and cuddling. You’d steal each others binkies and giggle at the silliest things. I loved it! Sissy loved taking turns feeding you and helping you both learn new things… …
Read MoreMy Hopes Are Not Wrong
I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. And somehow, no matter where I am on the ‘hope for his future’ spectrum, I seem to have the wrong amount for some people. If I hope for words, I am told I should really be hoping for communication. If I hope for independent living, I am told that I’m not accepting reality.…
Read MoreYou are Amazing Kid
My son has never ran inside to show me something. He has never rushed home from school to tell me about his day. He’s never told me a story. Or even asked me a question. There is no school work to look at. No homework to do at night. No report cards. His artwork is not hanging on the fridge either. We said goodbye to all of that possibility in kindergarten. We said goodbye to typical education. We shifted our focus. We picked the things that really mattered. Safety. Awareness.…
Read MoreThe Big Elephant in the Room
Recently, my son Stalen and I were getting groceries. The cashier was super nice and began talking to me as she scanned our stuff. She also tried to strike up a conversation with Stalen. When he didn’t respond to her she asked me if he was shy. I quickly told her that he has autism and is non-verbal. She asked, “will he ever talk”? I felt myself cringe and I could feel the lady in line behind me leaning in. It wasn’t the question that bothered me, it was the…
Read MoreThey Say he has Autism
“They say he has autism.” I didn’t go with my wife to the appointment with the developmental pediatrician that day. I had taken a couple sick days not too long before then, and I didn’t think it would be prudent to take another off. I remember telling her I wasn’t worried about what we were going to hear. “He’s just a little behind,” I had said, confident in the outcome of the appointment. “I was behind. I had to go to therapy and all that. Look, he’s only two. We’ve…
Read MoreHope Bubbles Up
Four years ago I sat across from a speech therapist, whom I loved very much. She looked at me and said, ‘Kate, you need to prepare yourself for nonverbal forever. You need to acknowledge a world where Cooper doesn’t speak.’ I remember I felt like my world ended. I learned after years of self growth that she said it to me with love. She knew I needed to hear it. We just left a speech evaluation. Probably our twentieth over the years. Only this one was different than all the…
Read MoreI was the Gloom and Doom Mom
Yesterday, I celebrated my eighth Mother’s Day. I’m not sure how that is possible but I did the math and it is indeed right. I have three boys. Each delightfully amazing in their own way. Cooper is 8. He is the happiest boy you will ever meet. He has taught me more about life than anyone or anything else. He is my shadow. I am his person and he is mine. I have Sawyer who is 6. He is incredible and pushes me to my limits daily. He is smart,…
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