Posts Tagged ‘autism in girls’
Come Back to Me
“Come back to me…come back to me…” I mutter as I hold my daughter who is once again slipping into the unknown. The only words that come to my mind as I rock my beautiful little angel in my arms. You see there is a tantrum, and then there is a meltdown. Since the months of Avery’s diagnoses they occur less often, but when they do it is as if my soul is ripped out of my body, chasing into the battlefield after her. There is simply no other way…
Read MoreBecause of Her, He’s a Better Man
My Dad isn’t who he used to be. When my daughter Evie came along, he changed. As if by magic, he started to notice things he hadn’t noticed before. He began to see the things he HAD noticed a little bit differently, too. He was the first person to form a special connection with Evie aside from her Dad and I. It was obvious to my parents when Evie was just a few months old that something was different about her. She wasn’t like other babies they had experienced. She…
Read MoreAs Your Mum, I am Learning your Language
Sometimes I look at you in apprehension… I realize I am a foreign object…a lost immigrant to a new country in your presence. I look at where you look…to that corner where the sun hits…and I don’t see what you see. I do not hear what you hear and I only feel what I feel which sitting next to you can feel like so very little. It used to bother me, scare me and now I eat my croissant curiously searching for the light you are swimming in. In your…
Read MoreI am an Observer of Autism
I saw something recently that said if you are not autistic you are merely an observer of autism. I absolutely believe this to be true. I do not know what it is like to feel the world as my children do, I am not a martyr because I parent autistic children, and I am not an expert on autism. I observe as my daughter carefully pours sand in her hair not worrying about those around her. I let her do it, even if she is covered in dirt, because it…
Read MoreWe are Still Doing all of the Things I Dreamed Of
I always wanted a little girl and when I found out I was having one I was thrilled. Oh, the things we could do together as mommy and daughter. Pink dresses girly shoes makeup and shopping! All those things were what I dreamed of. I pictured her vividly in my mind. And truth be told I was glad I was having a little girl. I wouldn’t know how to boy mom although I am sure I would have figured it out. I often wonder when. When did it happen? I…
Read MoreThe First Year of Autism
It has been one year since my youngest daughter, Joelle’s autism diagnosis. One year of so many firsts and so much learning for our whole family! The first lesson I learned was that finding therapies, securing them through insurance, and maintaining these therapies is like a second full time job! There are just not always enough hours in the day! We chose to start ABA therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy and feeding therapy. Basically anything I could find services for, which, due to Covid, was hard. I also joined many…
Read MorePast Denial and Into Acceptance
There I am. Still in denial if you ask me. Still hopeful that Sophie will blend in to this loud and crowded party with a bunch of busy, loud excited 5-year-olds. Hopeful she’ll strike up a conversation with one of these kids. Hopeful she will smile and laugh and run around interacting with these kids. Hopeful she’ll appreciate the hand sewn dress that was made for her special day. Hopeful she won’t yell at anyone. Hopeful she won’t hide in her room. Hopeful she won’t run out of the house,…
Read MoreYou are Our Hero
Young love, there’s nothing like it. You live in this bubble of hope. You make plans for the future and wonder about what your life together will bring. You dream about where you will live, how many children you will have, what vacations you will take. You look forward to a happy life together. Especially being so young and naive you are not imagining all the heartbreak and loss you will have to go through. It’s a part of life and how you cope and support each other as a couple…
Read MoreThe Words I Couldn’t Say
Last night, when the mosquitoes stirred on our damp lawn, Willow stirred too. I asked her to grab her sandals and we went for a walk. We walked to the end of our street where I lit a sparkler for her. She danced entranced swinging the metal stick in the air. I took her for a walk because her mind and body needed to regulate. She was a mess and going for this walk would very methodically prevent a meltdown and a potential bolt. I scratched my eyes and thought…
Read MoreHer Successes Matter Too
It’s that time of year again, graduation. As I scroll through Facebook, I see post after post of adoring parents boasting the accomplishments of their children: Grade Point Average, college pursuits, athletic achievements, class rankings, and more. These parents are excited and proud! They and their children have worked very hard and this is their time to celebrate the achievements of their children. This year, I am among them. My third child is graduating from high school. So it’s my turn to boast: He’s Valedictorian, ranked 7th in his class with a 4.14…
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