You are Our Hero

Young love, there’s nothing like it. 

You live in this bubble of hope. You make plans for the future and wonder about what your life together will bring.

You dream about where you will live, how many children you will have, what vacations you will take.

You look forward to a happy life together.

Especially being so young and naive you are not imagining all the heartbreak and loss you will have to go through. 

It’s a part of life and how you cope and support each other as a couple has as much to do with how you get through these things together, as the actual loss itself.

As a young couple, we turned into young parents. We were motivated and determined to build a good life. 

We had a son, then a daughter, and we bought a house. Things appeared to be going well, or so we thought.

Our daughter was struggling and wasn’t developing language. She began to disappear before our eyes. She stopped responding to her name and had some different ways of playing and entertaining herself.

You pushed to get her help when the doctor kept wanting to wait. 

Things began to get more difficult. 

She would scream and cry for hours and wouldn’t allow you to touch her.

You never left her side. 

She had many behaviors…she would head bang constantly, flop to the floor and you were so patient, so loving towards her. It wasn’t always easy. 

We were waiting on an appointment for an evaluation. The day finally came and two weeks later we went to get the results. I sat directly in front of the doctor and you sat over to the side observing, quietly, calmly. 

Then with one word that bubble popped, turning our world upside down…

“Your daughter has autism.”

Tears poured down my face and you stared straight ahead, the rest was a blur.

You held me in your arms while I sobbed.

You wiped my tears and told me everything would be okay, even though your own heart was broken.

You stood strong and tall so you could hold me up when I needed to lean on you.

I yelled how unfair it was, how could this be?!

And you tried to keep me calm and reassure me.

I didn’t understand for a long time how it was so much easier for you to accept. How you weren’t as sad as me.

I didn’t realize that you were just as devastated as I was, but was more concerned with being strong for me and our daughter, than yourself.

You cried alone. You grieved in your own time when no one else was there.

As time went on, you never wavered, and we went through some really hard times.

You always loved her no matter what.

You and me, we don’t see eye to eye on everything. Actually there’s A LOT we disagree on. 

But, the important things we do agree on.

We have agreed our daughter will be loved and cherished, no matter what.  She deserves to have the same experiences as everyone else. She will be treated with respect and love, and not left out. We will bring her out with us whenever possible. We will kiss and hug her no matter how hard she squirms and pushes us away.

We would do anything to ease her struggle and help her.

It was you who threw her in the air and bounced her over and over. 

It was you who kept trying to get in her world until she let you in, never giving up.

It was you who made her feel safe. 

You were the one who found her when she eloped into the neighborhood full of woods and a pond. I was so terrified, and you brought my baby back. 

You were the one on the other side of the phone, who took the brunt of my frustrations and tears. You always gave me grace and were my sound of reason.

Well, mostly you gave me grace, after all, you aren’t perfect and this life can be really hard. There is a lot of frustration, guilt and fear.

The early years were difficult, but you were willing to try and take her anywhere when I wanted. You would be the one carrying her over your shoulder when things didn’t go as planned.

You were the one who knelt by her side when she had her first seizure and rode in the ambulance with her.

I was frozen in fear.

You are her hero.

She is Daddy’s little girl and I don’t need her to say the words to know how much she loves you and feels safe with you.

I know because I feel the same way. You have a way of making everything okay, even when you’re crumbling inside. 

You never show it. You always make us feel safe.

You love us , put up with our crazy and take care of us. 

We have been through some really hard times, there were times I thought this life could break us. We found strength in each other and in our daughter.

We are always able to rally around her, encourage her and believe in her.

We have a beautiful family, four amazing kids and an incredible bond.

Best friends underneath it all.

Things get hard at times,we argue, we yell and bicker. We get angry and resentful, but we always circle back to each other, our children, and especially our daughter.

Her needs are significant and she is the tie that binds our family together.

You are the glue that holds me together.

You still wipe my tears and let me know it will be okay.

I couldn’t have asked for a better father for our daughter, or a husband for me. 

You are truly our hero!

Written by, Kimberly McIsaac

Hi, my name is Kim. I am married with four children, one who is a young adult with non verbal autism. We live in Massachusetts and I work full time as a director of a daycare.  I have a Facebook page that follows the progress my daughter has made, while making transitions into the scary world of an adult with a disability. She has made incredible progress beginning with words coming at the age of twenty-one.  I want to spread awareness of severe autism while giving others hope as we ride this crazy autism roller coaster with all the joy and heartache that comes along with it. You can follow us at https://www.facebook.com/Autismadventureswithalyssa/

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