When the Autism Checklists are Wrong

I like to talk about common misconceptions surrounding Autism because I was lead astray by well-meaning friends, loving family members, a guilty, worried conscious, and the damn internet. I like to talk about misconceptions around autism because I was so confused before I knew. Before I REALLY knew.  And lost. And scared. I was so desperate for my son to NOT be autistic that I believed anything I read on the internet…or that was told to me. I was a new mom with a beautiful, smart, cuddly baby boy. A baby…

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To the Friend who Stood by Me

I called you today, friend. You knew today was the day. The day of the appointment. You told me that whatever the outcome I should call right away, or at least text. You said you would be right over. Like the true friend that you are you said I could cry and drink wine and we could either talk about my stress and fear or just sit and do nothing. Either way you would listen. I want to thank you for that. I needed it. Just knowing that you care…

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I Can Say He’s Severely Autistic. But No One Else Can

Yesterday, we had a meeting with Cooper’s social worker. I am aggressively going for more services or as the state calls it…emergency services. It took me precisely three strongly worded emails and two phone calls (One where I sounded a bit crazy) to get a social worker in my home to evaluate Cooper. Not too bad. There is help out there. I need it. And I am demanding it. As I prepared for the in-home evaluation I typed up a list of Cooper behaviors. Let me note that the county…

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Fighting for an Autism Diagnosis

I thought getting a diagnosis would be easy. My son is different. He doesn’t talk. He flaps. He screeches. He hates to be touched by strangers. As a baby he never slept. Ever. He cried constantly. Endless ear infections, stomach issues, constipation, hearing problems. The list goes on. He never babbled. To this day he’s never said a word. I thought it was obvious. There is something wrong. Tell me what it is so I can fix it. That’s what you do. It’s broken and you fix it. No one…

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I Saw the Future

Our family spent the night at a water park on Sunday. Cooper comes alive in the water. It is the one and ONLY activity that he enjoys more than watching his movies. He puts his life jacket on and bobs around and swims. It’s pretty dang cute. And he is so independent in the water. That is wonderful to see. Usually I am the one talking about autism with people. So I was surprised when we sat down in the hot tub and I heard a women talking with Jamie…

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More Changes for Cooper

I was chatting with a friend today and she said to me….“I have never met a more resilient family. It’s like change doesn’t scare you.” I just smiled and nodded. It must appear that way to the outside world. Oddly enough I usually feel like I am standing in a room screaming and people are rushing by me. But, apparently from the outside, I appear to have my shit together. Score one for me and bring on more changes. Cooper is starting an autism preschool at the local elementary school on…

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Walking the Fine Line of Hope and Giving Up

When Cooper was little and his quirks were just starting to show I silently blamed myself. I’d tell people I didn’t but I really did. I never believed the whole autism and vaccination correlation. Cooper was different since the day he was born. Deep down I knew right away. At that time I silently doubted everything I had done while pregnant. Maybe I ate the wrong things. For a hot minute I thought maybe I used too much bug spray or even used to much hand sanitizer. And then when…

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Autism Tricked Me

Prior to Cooper, and even up until a few months ago, I had very specific thoughts about autism. I am pretty sure I was using information from TV shows or from conversations with other people. I assumed all autistic kids had repetitive behaviors. That they all lined things up or spent time spinning wheels or pinwheels or anything round. I also assumed they were very highly intelligent. I also pictured a lot of self soothing or stimming. Most specifically, a lot of rocking back and forth. And I always thought…

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Tough Conversations

Today the school psychologist came to our house to do the final in-person evaluation. Our IEP meeting is set for the day after Memorial Day. We are so damn close. The phsycologist recently observed Cooper at daycare and was shocked at how he acted like a different kid in different settings. I totally get this and could said it until I was blue in the face. I actually gave up trying to tell people becaue I started to sound like a broken record. At the school evaluations Cooper resembles Lucifer. And…

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