Posts Tagged ‘Autism diagnosis’
Grieving the Child I Thought I Lost
The day after Mason’s confirmed diagnosis I couldn’t shake my unexplainable feeling of loss. But I didn’t lose my child. In fact, he was sitting 3 feet away, happily lining up his cars on the tv stand, babbling in a language only he could understand. Even though he was close enough to touch, I felt a gaping hole; like part of my life, the before Autism part, had died. When we got home from the assessment appointment, I dug out Mason’s baby book. The record I had so proudly and…
Read MoreGrieving Over Two Very Different Things
In December 2012, I had a baby girl but she ended up passing away to SIDS three days after my husband came home from a deployment. We were devastated and broken. Our whole family was. It was some dark times. One month later we found out we were expecting again. I said this time I’m going to do everything different. I ate better. I cloth diapered. I made organic baby food. I wanted to breastfeed. I was so scared of SIDS happening. I just didn’t want to ever go through…
Read MoreWill He be Ok?
As I was drinking my coffee snuggled on the couch in my PJs this morning, I looked at my sweet little boy buzzing around collecting all of his wooden puzzle pieces in his upside down drum. He noticed me watching and smiled for a split second before he went back to his “work“. I said to him, “I love you buddy.” He replied in his broken word approximations, “ah uv too”. It still makes my heart melt. Several months ago I wondered if I would ever hear those words from his…
Read MoreThe Day Everything Changed
April 20th, 2017. This is a day I will NEVER forget! A day I had waited so long for but dreaded at the same time. Today was Jaxon’s evaluation day! We woke up that morning and my stomach was already in a knot but we got ourselves ready and dropped our older son Dom off at school. Our appointment was for 10am and I was determined to be early. I told myself I wanted to just get it over with because I already knew what was coming. I had already…
Read MoreI Wasn’t Scared of Autism
I wasn’t scared of autism; I knew all about it. My brother has autism and he’s a happy, odd, 30-year old dude living his best life. So, when my son was diagnosed with autism, I was saddened that he’d have obstacles but I was also hopeful that he would find his voice like my brother had. I assumed that our family would rally around my son and be there for him as he finds his own path; I see now I was being naive. When my son was an infant…
Read MoreWe were Oblivious to the Obvious
I don’t really remember how old Holly was when we realised she was “different” and by different I mean not the same as my best friends son. We didn’t really have any other children around us of the same age and no other comparisons. Comparisons of children will always be made whether warranted or not, welcome or not! Our children were born 3 weeks apart and our friendship blossomed as we shared our firsts together. Our first child, our first close friends to experience children together. Our children’s first tooth,…
Read MoreReality Bites
I have 3 beautiful children. Ethan 13 and Gavin 9, have been diagnosed with Level III Autism, without intellectual impairment. My youngest Moira, 3, is just lacking that official stamp. Gavin showed textbook signs, lining up cars in perfect rows, total organization, sensory overload, late speech, I think I was ready for him, but I never quite put the pieces together with Ethan. Looking back I should have seen something. All the signs were there, but as a first time Mom you think, you’re overreacting. He NEVER wanted to be…
Read MoreWhen My Life Was Flipped Upside Down by a Dual Diagnosis
The other day my life was flipped upside down. We were on our way home from the video EEG and the impact of a dual diagnosis struck me to my core. It was a Friday afternoon. Derek was driving. I was watching all the cars out the window. My mind was reviewing the information we had learned and coming up with a new list of to-do’s. When, suddenly, it dawned on me. This is our life. Appointments, tests, seizures, medical fears, disruptive behaviors, therapies, financial burdens, hospital stays, unrelenting exhaustion…
Read MoreThis Year I Wish…
To my son Prestley, In 2019 I would like… To feel less guilt I have an overwhelming sense of guilt. I feel guilty because Prestley doesn’t play – is he happy? Does he know how loved he is? I feel guilty about my other children. We don’t go out altogether, we don’t do many fun things – do they resent their brother? The guilt of medicating Prestley with melatonin – so he can sleep. So we can all sleep. So much guilt swarms my mind. Daily. To find others in…
Read MoreIt Took a Baby…
For the last three years, Sawyer and I watch a movie on Friday nights. We eat popcorn with way too much ranch seasoning, snuggle up with blankets, argue over what movie to watch, and talk about his day, farts, Nerf guns and hockey. It’s my favorite part of the week. And for the last three years, Cooper has ALWAYS been encouraged to join us. He rarely ever does though. He likes to wander around, move from room to room, watch his shows, line up his treasures and stim. That is…
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