Little Big Things

When I share my son’s autism, my favorite parts to share are the little big things. The moments that happen that are so huge, yet so subtle, that sometimes I don’t realize they happened until hours later. Like this morning. At 3 am. When I was awake with a toddler who refuses to develop a love for sleep like her mama. My son Cooper is 11 years old. A tween. A soon to be sixth grader. He loves bullet trains, his grandparents, and episodes of Family Feud. He wants to…

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His Brother’s Safe Space

A few days ago we took a boat ride. Sawyer brought two friends. A brother and sister who are very much a part of our family. The big kids, Cooper included, all wanted to sit in front and screamed at Jamie to go faster. They were also supposed to watch for logs but that part didn’t happen. As we boated along we hit some rough water. It only lasted a minute or so. Pretty common on a Friday on the St. Croix River. Anyhow, Cooper squealed as a bit of…

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Understanding and Acceptance

People get really nervous around individuals who are non speaking. Or folks who use a wheelchair. Or who look different. I didn’t know that before I had my son Cooper. Before he led me wide eyed into the world of disability. Without knowing he showed me how a person can be invisible. A person standing front and center. Some of it’s subtle. The overlooking of a person. Some is not. And it’s hard to see. As his mom it’s hard to not get mad and sad and frustrated. Because I…

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Small Big Things

Something huge happened yesterday. But amidst the chaos of putting on sunscreen and watching kids jump into the pool and picking up wet towels I missed it. I was busy throwing a party. I wasn’t paying attention to small big things. My son Cooper is 11 years old. He loves balloons and parties and the frosting on cupcakes. He said his first word at age 9. It was mom. He says it long and drawn out, pausing on each letter as if he’s plucking them down from the sky. MMM-AW-MMM.…

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A Brave Day

Let me tell you about a boy. A boy who at eleven years old shows more bravery than most adults I know. But his bravery looks different so most overlook it. He has very few words. Not much for conversation. But his eyes…they tell a story. If you listen to him. Patiently. If you don’t rush him. And wait. He will tell you. If you don’t talk over him. Or speak for him. He will tell you how he hears things louder than you. And smells the faintest smells. And…

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I Wish Time Would Slow Down

This one and I needed some time together. At 9 years old he’s in that in between space where he will hold my hand but can run to the concession and grab his own soda. He needs me but doesn’t fully. He lays his head on me when he’s tired and uses his own hand to cover my eyes during the scary parts. He’s not embarrassed of me. But also thinks I’m super old. He loves his siblings fiercely. But asked today if we could go to the movies just…

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Wild Ones

Some kids are just mischievous. Wild. Busy. Exasperating. Curious. Spirited. All words we choose instead of naughty. They see a puddle and have to jump in it. A glass of water and have to dump it. A counter and have to climb it. They see a toy and immediately want to know how it works. How it’s wired. Taking it apart becomes vital. What’s it made of they think. They see mail and need to know what’s inside. A package becomes a possibility. It could be a Nerf gun or…

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Chloe

Yesterday morning our sweet girl Chloe passed away. She has been with our family as long as we have been one. She’s grown with us as we added four babies, seen 8 houses, and aged 15 years. She’s our Chloe girl. She’s a permanent fixture in our life. For 15 years she’s patiently waited at the door for us to come home. She’s lost her hearing and her sight, so we had to gently wake her up when we would get home. We don’t want to startle her. She went…

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It’s Our Normal

My 11 year old son and I just passed a group of boys his age. Some older. Son younger. One was on a cell phone. One was doing tricks on his bike. A few were shooting hoops. I noticed them right away. Older boys. Almost teens. But then I realized the boy holding my hand is almost the same age. It was one of the slow moving realizations. They were smarting off to each other. Being silly. Pushing the limits. Not being bad. Doing what kids do at that age.…

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Touch

This little boy traced my face while I was sleeping this morning. I knew it was him before I opened my eyes. Once I did, he giggled and ran away. I’m sure he was confused why I was still in bed at 7 am. I’ve been sick and yesterday I tried to explain to him that mommy wasn’t feeling well. After I told him he tapped on his chest, showing me his teal striped shirt. He must have dressed himself. He was proud. We both clapped and then he pointed…

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