Autism
The Baby Phase
My baby is two weeks old today. As of 12:22 pm she has been apart of this family for 14 whole days. Which means 14 days ago I was pregnant. I was swollen, crabby, achey, and had the worst heartburn I had ever felt. Right up until delivery I felt the burning in my throat. I knew she’d have hair because of it. But I didn’t know it would be so blonde. I thought I prepared for everything leading up to her arrival. I mean, it was my fourth time.…
Read MoreI Wish I Could Have Told You
I think about you sometimes mama. 28 years old. You just had your first baby. You named him Cooper months before he was born. You painted his nursery blue. You went to birthing classes and read What To Expect When You Are Expecting. Your husband bought him a baseball glove and bat. And a Minnesota Wild jersey. You were both so ready for him. I can see you going to the hospital. So excited. So scared. I can see you holding him in your arms for the first time. You…
Read MoreLittle Adventures
We just went on our first outing as a family of six. We actually planned to go on Friday. And then Saturday. And finally we made it today. It took us well over an hour to get out of the house. There were babies to nurse and diapers to change. Kids to dress. Snacks. Negotiations. Teeth to brush. Missing shoes. Someone wasn’t wearing shorts at one point. But we did it! A nice hike in the woods. We saw turtles and ducks and got outside in the fresh air where…
Read MoreA Letter to My Son and His Friends, Graduates of the Class of 2021
Congratulations, graduates! Not only have you graduated in the midst of a global pandemic under extreme circumstances of social isolation, strict quarantines, and frequent cancellations; but you have done so with many academic achievements and honors, athletic awards, and college scholarships. You have given yourselves and your families so many reasons to be proud! While these achievements should be acknowledged and celebrated, I believe there is something you have demonstrated that is even more important, your kind heart! From the time I first met all of you, you have shown…
Read MoreThe Words I Couldn’t Say
Last night, when the mosquitoes stirred on our damp lawn, Willow stirred too. I asked her to grab her sandals and we went for a walk. We walked to the end of our street where I lit a sparkler for her. She danced entranced swinging the metal stick in the air. I took her for a walk because her mind and body needed to regulate. She was a mess and going for this walk would very methodically prevent a meltdown and a potential bolt. I scratched my eyes and thought…
Read MoreThe Autism Sibling
Many nights I lay awake wondering if you will be okay… I know you feel alone, but you’re not alone. I am here with you. I know you are scared, but don’t be, Mommy is here for you. I know you don’t quite understand it all. It’s ok, because Mommy is here to help you. You get angry and that’s ok. You have every right, because it’s not fair. You wonder why this happened to you. Mommy will help you get through it. You wonder if I see you. I…
Read MoreSome Don’t Follow the Beaten Path
Some kids never follow the beaten path…Whether it’s from birth or from a later date, some kids don’t follow the beaten path. They don’t meet milestones on time. They don’t follow the norm. They don’t do what every other kids is seemingly doing. My son Cooper is that way. He takes note of what he is ‘supposed’ to do and does the opposite. Some people call him a free spirit. Some call him stubborn. Even challenging. Autistic, disabled, special needs…all words thrown in. It’s hard sometimes. I won’t lie about…
Read MoreLosing His Normal
Summertime is different for some kids… So many of you are asking me about Cooper’s summer plans. A valid question. He finished up school yesterday. He is now officially a 5th grader. He absolutely understands that school is done for the year. I know because yesterday when we walked him to the bus he held up one finger the entire way and had us repeat…’one more day.’ He likes his reassurance that one. Summer breaks are different for kids like Cooper. Or maybe it’s just him. I guess I’m not…
Read MoreMoments of Chaos
We are a week into this family of six thing. And while I did everything I possibly could to prepare our boys and selves for our newest addition, it’s still been a huge shock. Somebody messaged me yesterday that one kid feels like two. Two feels like three. Three feels like five. And four feels like eight. She was right. The house suddenly feels smaller. And so much messier. The clutter is insane. Everyone is always hungry. The dogs nails feel louder on the hardwood floor. Naps feel shorter. And…
Read MoreYou are a Gift to all of Us
Dear Daughter, You are such a light in our lives and in the world. You are smart, strong, beautiful and have a heart of gold. You are full of compassion for others (and a pinch of sass). I can only imagine what it must be like growing up with a sibling with autism. I mean, we as adults get stressed, anxious and sometimes scared, so I know it must be the same for you. Kids are supposed to grow up in a calm environment and sometimes that’s just not possible…
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