Dear Eli, You are such a blessing to our family. You came into this world as a teeny tiny miracle. You arrived 6 weeks early. Those first few weeks were so hard. I ached to have you home. The house felt so incomplete without you there. Since the day you came home, you became mommy’s baby boy. You were a miracle in so many ways. Not only were you our little preemie but you also were our first child that was typical. You made us so happy with every word…
I wasn’t scared of autism; I knew all about it. My brother has autism and he’s a happy, odd, 30-year old dude living his best life. So, when my son was diagnosed with autism, I was saddened that he’d have obstacles but I was also hopeful that he would find his voice like my brother had. I assumed that our family would rally around my son and be there for him as he finds his own path; I see now I was being naive. When my son was an infant…
I am one of those people, even before kids, but even more so with kids, I immediately think of the worst that could happen in every situation, and then I try to do everything humanly possible to keep those things from happening. I know lots of mom’s and people like this, and then I have friends who are so laid back about things that I wonder how many milligrams they are taking a day! I absolutely have days where this instinct is less active than others, but for the most…
I find so much joy to be able to be my sons caregiver. Somedays it can be emotionally, physically and mentally draining, especially if I am not intentional about assuring that my needs are met. And one need that I am intensely aware of is the need to be alone sometimes. Let’s be real for a few minutes, as Jake’s mom, I am eternally exhausted. I’m not gonna lie. I pour my everything into his well being, day in and day out. It is the most rewarding and demanding “job”,…
My sweet little Isaac. You can’t tell me you love me, but you sure show it. You don’t sing the words to songs, but your loud humming makes me laugh. I want to tell you I’m sorry though. I’m sorry you get frustrated because you can’t tell me things. I’m sorry for the bad days I have when I hate autism. I’m sorry the world doesn’t understand that you need patience and acceptance. But I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud that you can wave to me. I love…
We have always been very diligent in letting our son interact with the world. At 19, he is 6’3” and 230lbs. If he were the same boy as he was at 6 or 12, he could not be living with us. We could not handle him at this size. It’s been scary, difficult, unpredictable and emotionally hard. Time consuming and physically demanding at times. But with a neurotypical daughter who is an avid athlete, we knew he had to be acclimated to her world and the world. As much as…
I don’t really remember how old Holly was when we realised she was “different” and by different I mean not the same as my best friends son. We didn’t really have any other children around us of the same age and no other comparisons. Comparisons of children will always be made whether warranted or not, welcome or not! Our children were born 3 weeks apart and our friendship blossomed as we shared our firsts together. Our first child, our first close friends to experience children together. Our children’s first tooth,…
I can’t believe how fast 2018 flew by. It was a rough journey for our family. We faced many challenges. New diagnosis’s. New problem behaviors. Anxiety issues. The list goes on… I am going to stay hopeful for 2019. We are going to work even harder. I am going to continue to stay hopeful Kash will talk. I will continue working hard with him. We will continue working on his problem behaviors. We will continue working on ways to help his anxiety. My son Kash is a sweet, caring, funny…
Another time comes that I must leave you behind so you can continue working on getting better; that raw pain in my chest returns, feels like I’m suffocating, like I can’t breathe. Sometimes I think my heart could actually break. It’s a stabbing pain that with each breath is more intense than the last. It feels like I’m carrying a ten thousands stones in my bones that with each step gets heavier. A million little things race through my mind. Razor blades cover my throat that I feel small cuts…
I feel so helpless at times. I wasn’t prepared for that I guess. I am a strong mom. I know that for sure. I am a firm believer that all things can be fixed. If we just work hard enough. Never give up. No situation is helpless. That is what I preach. My son has autism. Or he is autistic. Whichever one you want me to say. I am also supposed to say it makes up who he is. He wouldn’t be him without autism. I think I am supposed…
