Deakyn is our almost four year old son who was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and is nonverbal. He was diagnosed earlier this year but we knew before that. He showed what we now know now were early signs when he was younger. Not knowing a lot about autism, just that it was something other people’s children had and that it wouldn’t happen to my family, we didn’t consider it We came into the autism world blind but ready to learn. He was a happy baby and a good sleeper…
When motherhood arrived, one of the many moments I looked forward to with warm cozy anticipation was the first day of kindergarten experience. I enjoyed collecting the kindergarten wardrobe and elementary school kid supplies. I remember laying my oldest daughter’s new school clothes across her bed while we carefully chose the first day outfit perfection. Then the day arrived and I was full of “I love you!” and “Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you” and then, the ever so common bittersweet “How did you grow up so fast?”…
Thank you to the man who chose himself over his child: Being a single mom is really hard. Being a single mom to a special needs child is next level. I never realized the strength I had inside of me. You helped me release these very primal instincts when it comes to our son, that I had no idea existed. I share such a rare and special bond with him because he is all I had for so long. It was just he and I everyday. There isn’t a person…
We were standing on our patio and a plane flew close above us. It was loud and very easy to spot. “Look guys, a plane!” My 20 month old son followed my finger and he pointed too and smiled, “Ah, plann,” he said. I smiled with him. It looked nice against the crisp sky with everything around us covered in snow. I looked over at my daughter who had her back to us and was smiling too. She was still looking opposite us into the sky searching for a plane.…
Unanswered questions and the fear of the unknown, Kept me awake at night and I felt so alone. People saying, “He’ll grow out it”, or Autism is a gift, Had no idea what they were saying, I wished this version of Autism didn’t exist. Robbing a child of their voice and basic life skills isn’t being blessed, It’s heartbreaking to watch, and leaves you all feeling distressed. Advocates and other Autism Mum’s may isolate you for being negative, They claim that to the ‘Autism world’ you’re being insensitive. Maybe it’s…
As I sit here tonight, it hit me hard. How many things in life I thought we’d be doing so effortlessly at this phase of Jackson’s development. Without worry. Or planning. Or hesitation. Tonight, we didn’t go to “movie night” at my son’s school because movies make him anxious. Like freak out, meltdown anxious. Just because they’re long. And that’s if we’re at home. No way could he tolerate a loud movie with dozens of people around. They served popcorn and drinks. None of which he’d eat. Or drink. It’s…
Hi Sally Yes, that’s your real name. You are a real person. A middle aged woman. Honestly, it’s easier for me to respond to you when I think of you as a human being. A real person with thoughts, feelings and emotions. A grace that I’m not sure you granted me. I also won’t share your last name. This group of special needs parents is pretty fierce. When I share your comment I’m sure many of them will want to hunt you down and comment on your perfect life. I’m…
When I was pregnant with our third baby, Jamie and I would talk about our worries over introducing another little one to the family. There were two of us. There would be three of them. We’d be going from man-to-man to zone defense. But there was more to it than just that. Our son Cooper, who was 7 at the time, and now 8, didn’t have any self care. That means we dress him. We put his shoes on. We still feed him many of his meals. He doesn’t grab…
Birthdays are a huge deal in our world. Especially when you son turns six years old! I tried to put a spell on him to keep him little forever but I guess I failed. He is growing up. Somedays it feels like it’s happening overnight. The day started very, very early. 4:30 AM to be exact. Cooper decided it was time to start the day. So, I used that time to blow up balloons and decorate Sawyer’s door. View this post on Instagram Mother of the year at…
I don’t often talk about God or heaven or religion on this blog. I don’t because the few times I have…people yell at me. Or it makes people feel uncomfortable. And I don’t want to do that. People can believe whatever they want to believe. So, I made the decision to not openly talk about religion. But I will tell you, that I went through a period where I was angry at God. I didn’t understand why my son was picked to have autism. It didn’t feel fair to him.…
