This week was a mixed bag. Or maybe, a grab bag. I guess I don’t really know what it was but I’m confident the word bag should be included. Maybe. It was hard and good, happy and hopeless, hopeful and unrelenting, energized and bone-weary. It simultaneously flew by and seemed like it would never end. In short, it was a normal week. Our new normal, anyway. On any given day I felt that our life was certain to be filled with nothing but trying to push our sweet boy up…
I was in line at the doctor’s office not very long ago trying to juggle my son James with one hand and my purse and clipboard of endless insurance and medical forms in the other. And that’s when I saw her standing in the line beside me wearing a pink sweatshirt, leggings, and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Like me, she had her hands full with her toddler, stroller, and loaded diaper bag. We made eye contact seconds before my little Houdini wiggled himself out of my arms…
I live in Florida where the Stoneman Douglas school shooting happened. I have four children. Ranging from 22 to 3 years old. My four year old son Asher has autism. He is high functioning. Friends and family tell me how lucky he is to be so. I don’t always feel that way. Asher started in public school pre-school just last October. I was very nervous about the little things. Will he hit another child? Will he run away from the teacher? Will he take all his clothes off to go…
To my precious first born, I’ve been thinking for several days about the one person who I could write about and thank for being a blessing to our family. We are incredibly blessed, because I could write for weeks about our family, friends, church, as well as the amazing teachers and therapists who work with Austin, all of whom have gone the extra mile for us. I didn’t know how I could choose just one person. This afternoon, Austin got into the fridge and took two packages of shredded cheese…
You will forever have hope that the next year will be when they begin to talk, then you realize it been almost 18 years since the diagnosis. Many years ago, right after Jake was diagnosed, my heart hurt, and I was seeking how to express who my sweet boy was. So I wrote this poem. Looking back on my writing, I truly had no idea the journey ahead of us, but it’s played out just like I wrote, so many years ago. A poem for my son. My boy, Jake…
As I write this post you are sound asleep. You are curled up in the fetal position and breathing softly. Although you are now 10 years old, as I gaze down at you, you are still my baby. It seems like yesterday that I first held you in my arms. Tonight, before you fell asleep, you pulled me close for an ‘eye hug’. You nuzzled your right arm under my left shoulder and then pulled my face right in front of yours with your left hand. When our faces met,…
One of the pieces of advice I have received over the years from therapists, educators and even parents of adult autistic children, was to make our home sensory friendly. In my mind that sounded overwhelming. Did that mean more stuff in my living room? Did that mean spending more money on stuff my son wouldn’t use or even try? I already felt like our house was kid friendly. It was covered in toys, Legos, balls, and Nerf Gun bullets. We had kid size chairs, blankets and fidgets every where. Wasn’t…
Deakyn is our almost four year old son who was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and is nonverbal. He was diagnosed earlier this year but we knew before that. He showed what we now know now were early signs when he was younger. Not knowing a lot about autism, just that it was something other people’s children had and that it wouldn’t happen to my family, we didn’t consider it We came into the autism world blind but ready to learn. He was a happy baby and a good sleeper…
When motherhood arrived, one of the many moments I looked forward to with warm cozy anticipation was the first day of kindergarten experience. I enjoyed collecting the kindergarten wardrobe and elementary school kid supplies. I remember laying my oldest daughter’s new school clothes across her bed while we carefully chose the first day outfit perfection. Then the day arrived and I was full of “I love you!” and “Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you” and then, the ever so common bittersweet “How did you grow up so fast?”…
Thank you to the man who chose himself over his child: Being a single mom is really hard. Being a single mom to a special needs child is next level. I never realized the strength I had inside of me. You helped me release these very primal instincts when it comes to our son, that I had no idea existed. I share such a rare and special bond with him because he is all I had for so long. It was just he and I everyday. There isn’t a person…
