You’re five and half years old now. You’ve never asked me a question. That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I notice how tall you are now. Reading it takes my breath away a little. I blink back a tear or two. After I take a deep breath, I remember. That’s not exactly true. You learned to request around your last birthday. You come up to me. Always wanting something when you stand so close. You say a very clear and beautiful, “popsicle”. With great intonation, by the…
My son is amazing! Keegan is 9 years old and in the 4th grade. He is silly, loving, funny, smart, energetic, creative and a genuinely happy child. He also has autism and he’s nonverbal so things aren’t always easy. There are meltdowns and non typical behaviors and he can’t always express his feelings or wants. Keegan uses a speech device to help him communicate. It has helped Keegan and our family so much! The speech device has changed our family for the better. It’s given my child a voice and…
I know, mama. I know that right now it’s really bad. I know that it feels like the world is crumbling around you and you don’t know how you are going to move on. One day, things won’t be so scary. Don’t get me wrong…it is always going to be hard. The hard will never really get better, but you will mama. You will get better. You will get better at the paperwork. One day, those forms won’t make you cry. You will get better at the meetings. One day,…
Dear Momma, I see you, driving down the road with tears in your eyes. I see the deer caught in headlights look as your hands firmly grip the wheel. You sob, uncontrollably, afraid to utter the words that well within your body. I know you utter how much your child is loved, how you wouldn’t change them for the world, that you will get through it together but I know you’d give your life in a heartbeat to have it so your child didn’t struggle with aggression. I know the…
No one person knows my life, the extent of what I have witnessedin sterile hospital rooms while my daughters beautiful minds seized for what seemed to be an eternity. Nor do they know the joy and pride in my heart when my nonverbal child signs “I love you” to me and I can feel the depth of her love through her tight squeezes and occasional love pinches. I have been battered with sleepless nights of chaos, insulin, low alert alarms, pure worry and panic of a life altering seizure or…
Dear Bully, When I was in public school I used to be bullied by people like you. You would see me in the corner, usually trying to keep to myself and wonder why I was there. Other times you would see me having issues reading out loud in class and snicker while I tried to pronounce different words. You’d take my inability to understand sarcasm as a way to get me in trouble. Worst of all, you’d make me feel like an outsider when more than anything I wanted to…
Please help me wish this little cutie a happy 8th birthday today! I know it’s cliche, but the days are long and the years are short. I’m not sure how he’s 8 already! He will forever be my little buddy. Happy birthday Sawyer! Now time needs to stop! I can’t have you grow up anymore. Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once…
I went to an event a while back, before COVID-19, to honor and celebrate special needs moms. It was one of the first times I realized how lucky I was that my son just had ‘autism.’ He isn’t medically complex. He isn’t terminal. He can run and eat, and we don’t live a chunk of our lives at Children’s Hospital. We are the lucky ones. Story after story was told. Mother after mother. All unique. All important. One of the moms spoke about the moment her daughter passed, and they…
There is something that happens between ages 7 and 8 in little boys. A part of development I didn’t know about. I was sitting on the couch a while ago when I heard the door burst open. I was confused because my son had just left mere minutes earlier to go sledding with our family friends. I yelled his name out. Just to make sure it was him. When he rounded the corner he ran to me and jumped into my arms. I held him like he was little again.…
When it’s just Cooper and his dad and I, the house is pretty quiet. No brothers fighting for attention. No talk of monster trucks in mud or hockey practice. Well, I mean, Blue Mountain Mystery is usually singing from an iPad and I’m constantly saying, ‘turn it down Cooper.’ But besides that, it’s pretty quiet. You will hear an occasional laugh and giggle. A gasp. A question from me. But chatter back and forth…nope. Cooper is ten years old. He has never coo’d. He never babbled. When he was younger…
