Posts by Kate Swenson
Precious as a Prayer
I sit and watch you after you have fallen asleep. I am in awe of how much you’ve grown. I sometimes mistaken you for your big sisters (now you weigh the same), and I pull back with fear. You see, sweet child, I have come to terms you will always be my baby. I will always protect you and sing you your favorite lullaby in loop mode. I will always be there to help you eat your breakfast and remind you the food is hot, and to use your fork, not…
Read MoreI had Plans for us Kid
I had plans for us kid. Big plans. Plans that I can admit didn’t include autism. I was going to be one of those moms. The super involved moms. You were going to be in sports. And have so many playdates and friends and birthday parties. We would have couple friends. Who had kids the same age. You were going to say the darndest things. Of course be adorable. And then handsome. And smart. We were going to travel. And be really, really busy. We would have endless conversations and…
Read MoreFamily asked to Leave Restaurant due to Son’s ‘Noises’
A family says they are left heartbroken and saddened after they were asked to leave an Outback Steakhouse restaurant in Glen Burnie, Maryland on Saturday night because of their son who has Childhood Apraxia of Speech, a neurological disorder. Amanda Braun’s son, Killian, was born with Childhood Apraxia of Speech. The disorder affects Killian in many ways especially communication and behavior. Sometimes when he speaks, his words are unclear. My son Cooper also has apraxia along with autism. To us this means he wants to communicate, he knows what he…
Read MoreI have the Challenging Kid
I have the challenging kid. The one who doesn’t want to cooperate or participate with anything, unless there is something in it for him. Even then it’s hit or miss. And teaching him new things feels impossible, you’re always met with so much resistance. He’s loud and screams—a lot, because he has such big emotions and no way of expressing them. I have the kid who has sensory needs. He spins and goes upside down and refuses textures and adventures. He stims by squealing and dancing and tapping on his…
Read MoreWhen Forever Hits You…
I just went for a run. My first run in years. It was terrible. 85 degrees out. Sunny. No breeze. I ran for 30 minutes. I didn’t stop. I cursed myself a few times. I’m 36. And I let myself get this out of shape. I used to run. I used to exercise. But then life got too hard. Too busy. My legs felt like concrete. I was going so slow at times I waited for people to pass me. But I did it. I didn’t make any excuses. Like…
Read MoreA Letter to Myself, an Autism Mommy
Dear Me, I’m sorry I never think you do enough. You go to bed exhausted. Sleep restlessly throughout the night. In between the 3 A.M. googling and night awakenings from you child, you still dream. I’m sorry you still dream. It’s never the exact dream, but that pain in your heart feels the exact same. Your nonverbal child said, “Mom…” “…I love you…” “…I’m good.” Or worse, your child has a whole conversation with you, as if their voice has always been there. Then your tired eyes open. You try to…
Read MoreI’m Living his Life Now
As I start my fourth year as an Autism parent, I’m finding that my relationships with others are changing. I have worked so hard the last three years to make it all work, to make all the events and to try to still be a “typical” Mom but I’m not. I actually enjoy following my kids routine. It’s my routine too. I’m just like him, I don’t like the unknown or a change in plans. When we are out on a family outing, I’ve been on edge the whole time…
Read MoreHow Can I Live Forever?
Once upon a time, you were just a small girl, but now you are almost grown-up. At the age of 16, I have realized just how quick adulthood is coming, and how this is the time I dreaded for so long. When you were little, and I knew something was different, I knew that something wasn’t completely right. I didn’t know what to do, I was young and I was naive and thought that it would change. I thought that maybe it was a” phase”, that the talking would come,…
Read MoreAutism is not a Dirty Word
In November 2016, my son, Jasper, had recently turned 4 years old and I finally decided to do it. If not for me, for him. My mother and other family members kept suggesting that something wasn’t right. I had already started him in speech therapy and preschool to work on his delayed language skills. Jasper’s teachers even suggested it could only help, not hurt. I thought he just had some learning deficits or was a slow starter and he just needed patience. I didn’t want it to be true. My…
Read MoreDignity and Chocolate Pudding
I remember the first time that I had this feeling. My daughter Liz was around 5 or 6 years old and it was school picture day. She was so proud of the new dress that she was wearing for the photos. When I picked her up from school that day, she had jam on the front of her dress and my heart sank. A few weeks later, the pictures came home from school. Sure enough, in the photos there was jam on her dress and there were tears in her…
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