Archive for March 2021
Moms, You are Enough
“Maybe if you didn’t baby him, he would talk more.” Seven years ago, spoken by a person long since absent from our world, yet the words remain a stinging reminder of the blame imposed on mothers of children with special needs at various junctures of our journeys. Self- blame, along with the judgement of others often intertwine, creating an incredibly crippling feeling of guilt; unyielding at times, as we as parents…as moms, attempt to navigate the challenges associated with raising a child on the spectrum. Merely a half a century…
Read MoreThe Girl in the Shrubs
Yesterday was a warm day and a sweet reminder that better days are on their way. Seagulls dipped down low over the playground where my children played. The air carried the ocean smell and the sounds of children laughing despite a Pandemic. The best sound is children laughing. I pushed my neighbor’s child on a tire swing and I had my eyes on my son. I knew my daughter was across the playground with a friend and her mother. The sun was warm against my face and I felt happy.…
Read MoreI Will Sit With You in the Dark
Hello! I see you down there. You must be a fellow special needs mom. We can recognize each other you see. I know where you are right now because I’ve been there, and I’ll be there again. I know that the hole you are in is deep, and it’s dark and it’s scary. I know it feels like you will never get out, like you will never feel the warmth of the sun on your face again. Never feel joy. Hope. I know that you are trying to figure out…
Read MoreYou Don’t Have to Walk This Path Alone
Sitting in the dark, of course I did it too. Too proud or too ashamed to show my tears. I remember my Gran: “You are one of us, we don’t cry, we straighten our back, chin up and smile head high, no matter what.” She told me that when I was slightly younger than my daughter. She was lecturing me because I cried over other kids bullying me. Tough skin, tough love. She was that kind of a woman. It also taught me not to show my hurt…my tears are…
Read MoreHaving a Tribe Can Make All the Difference
“Build your tribe. Find your village. You’re going to need them.” I remember looking up at our pediatrician through tears as she said those words to me shortly after delivering my son’s Autism diagnosis. She explained how dynamic and changing our lives would be and that we would need to find others who understood. The gravity of those words didn’t quite register with me at first. I mean, I had friends. I had family. What did she mean I needed others? At first, I was lost in my grief for…
Read MoreI Know What It’s Like to Sit in the Dark
As a child I always felt different. I had some dolls and Barbies but I never played with them. I’d rather have them set up or put new clothes on them. But I never played with them. I remember first grade, my best friend was sick and ended up dying from a brain tumor. I cried a bit but the day I went to school I didn’t shed one tear. The rest of the class was sobbing. I couldn’t understand why some kids were crying because they didn’t even like…
Read MoreEven in the Dark, You Are Not Alone
I’ll sit with you in the dark, when you know, but you have to wait. Wait for others to believe you. Wait for insurance approvals. Wait for evaluations. Always waiting to hear what you already know. I’ll sit with you in the dark when you feel alone. When others tell you they’ll pray for you. When they tell you stories of how they know someone who knows someone. When they tell you that God gives special kids to special people. When they tell you, “but they’re so cute” or “they’re…
Read MoreWe Will Sit in the Dark Together
I can remember when the first signs of autism started popping up. I was in the dark. I did not know anyone who was going through what I was going through. I did not understand how to help Kyle and how to feel. I did not know which direction to go in. I was completely alone and in the darkness. I would sit in the shower and close my eyes. I could feel the water dripping down my face washing away the tears. I could hear the water pounding against…
Read MoreMy Son is Not Failing; Your System is Failing Him
They said, “your son has the highest needs of anyone in the school”. And as a mother, what I heard was, “your son is the most challenging child we have”. Like an almost “admission of irritation” on their part; Or so it felt. That statement wasn’t necessary. In a meeting that I called; me, myself, as a concerned parent, as a special needs Mother, those words didn’t need to fall from anyone’s lips. Because it’s a statement made without a practical solution. Unnecessary. “Your son has the highest needs of anyone…
Read MoreAutism’s Fingerprints
My name is Carrie, and I have five kids. My second son has autism. His name is Jack. He is sixteen. Autism impacts the way he eats, sleeps, learns, and moves. Let me tell you what else autism does. It takes a perfectly ordinary activity, and smudges it with its greasy fingerprints. It turns up the volume, and makes everything so bright and glaring, you have to squint to see any of the goodness that might be left. There is no manual for this—for figuring out how to clear through…
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