I Will Sit With You in the Dark

Hello! I see you down there.

You must be a fellow special needs mom.

We can recognize each other you see. I know where you are right now because I’ve been there, and I’ll be there again.

I know that the hole you are in is deep, and it’s dark and it’s scary.

I know it feels like you will never get out, like you will never feel the warmth of the sun on your face again. Never feel joy. Hope.

I know that you are trying to figure out why. Why your beautiful child had to be dealt such a crummy hand.

Wondering if you did something wrong during your pregnancy (spoiler alert – you probably didn’t).

There are so many decisions to make when you are a parent. These decisions seem so much bigger when your child has special needs.

I know you are sitting there wondering if you made the right ones, and you are worrying about the ones you still need to make.

The “what if” questions can eat you up whole.

I know people will walk by you in that deep, deep, dark, dark, deep dark hole. I know some people will walk around the hole giving it a wide berth thinking to themselves, “I’m glad I’m not her”.

Others will walk by and say or think, “it’s not that bad” or “get over it already”.

And some people will peer down into the hole and offer solutions, tell you that you are exaggerating, or to “look on the bright side”.

And I will do these things too…in time.

For now I’m jumping into the hole with you.

I will sit with you in the dark. I will hold your hand while you cry, and shed a tear with you.

I will let you rant, vent, scream, and ask the same questions over and over.

I will tell you that it’s perfectly ok to be sad, mad, frustrated, scared, weary, and tired to the depths of your soul.

Or I will sit with you in silence.

Whatever you need, I am here.

I will sit with you in the dark as long as you need.

But not forever.

When we have felt all the feelings, looked at the questions from every angle, and gotten all the anger out.

When “the unfairness of fate” is out of your system…only then will we build stairs, side by side, together and slowly climb our way out of the hole.

Because our children need us.

But today, right now, I will sit with you in the dark.

Written by, Kathleen Rolloff

Kathleen is the mother of two children with special needs, and adult with severe special needs and a teen with ADHD.  She also has a physical disability of her own.  You can read about her family on her FB page. River Valley Mom.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.