Archive for March 2020
The Fear We Feel
This is the most fearful time of my life. A deadly virus spreading quickly throughout the country will strike fear in most people. However there is another fear I feel deep down in my soul. A fear most of us special needs parents are feeling during this uncertain time. The fear of regression! The fear of our amazing kids losing skills they worked so hard to master. Social skills, academic skills, social/emotional skills, they all matter. This fear haunts me and keeps me up at night. I am doing all…
Read MoreHow Does He Feel Loved?
This morning I listened to a radio show, where a doctor explained that in times of isolation and fear, we need to feel loved in order to feel safe. He went on to say that something called oxytocin is our happiness hormone, and when it is released throughout our body, we feel a surge of positive emotion, or love. He said the most effective way to release oxytocin is to bond socially. In times of social distancing, it’s important that we each make eye contact, and experience touch. Hi. My…
Read MoreThe Neurotypical’s Meltdown
I am NOT a “visual person.” My husband sees everything, even the hidden structure of a complex machine simply based on form, function, and the noise it makes. My husband is NOT a “listener.” I hear everything, even the raw truth betrayed by single word choice. Yin and yang. Peas and carrots. Amy and Sheldon. I may get the gold star for daily grinding, but he has saved my life more times than I can count, literally and figuratively. If I am the trusty ole’ engine, he is the emergency…
Read MoreLetter to My Daughter on Her Birthday
I cannot believe it has been 6 years since I held you for the first time. I remember laying you on my chest and looking into your big blue eyes. In that moment, I knew I would never love anyone the way I do you. Since then, you have made my world go ’round. Celia, you complete me in ways I didn’t know I needed. Not only do you complete me, but you show me what true love is and how to love more. Having you as my little girl…
Read MoreToo Familiar
Doesn’t all of this feel oddly familiar to you? So terrified of the future. Haven’t you felt that before? The fear of the unknown? Continual anxiety caused by the ultimate invisible boogey man we call… time. When will this change? How long will this last? When will this get better? Almost too familiar. So many questions but no one has concrete answers. Actually, let me rephrase. No one has answers that make sense to my non-expert brain. Information is flooding in fast but it is all so confusing and contradictory…
Read MoreThe Autism Merry-Go-Round
Some days, it feels like we are climbing onto the exact same merry-go-round that we were on yesterday, and the day before that and the one before that. The same music, same speed, same smells, and my son would undoubtedly choose the same horse to ride every single time. We continue, round and round, stuck on a loop. Sounds peaceful, right? Until the song changes, an undesirable sound or image comes into the loop. Or the lights are too bright or too dim. Something familiar is missing, out of place…
Read MoreI’m Afraid your Daughter will Endanger Us
I absolutely loved my oldest daughter’s kindergarten teacher – I really felt like we were partners in helping my daughter. But, not a day went by that I didn’t get a note, an email, or in the worst case scenario, a phone call. I will never forget the day she told me she was worried my daughter would endanger her class. When Olivia was in pre-K, her teachers seemed to be setting the stage for an ADD diagnosis. But she was only three, and then only four, and…
Read MoreEndless Nights
There are 24 hours in a day. Every hour is 60 minutes. But I am quite sure the hours between 1:00 and 6:00 AM are at LEAST 6000 minutes each. Lonely hours spent alone with my thoughts. I have been awake during these hours because I am feeding an infant. I have been up because I have insomnia and can’t sleep. I have been awake because I suffer from chronic pain or a cold and so I just can’t get comfortable. A sick and hospitalized child or other loved one…
Read MoreIt’s Not All Sunshine and Rainbows
Times are hard right now. For everyone. And if you’re a parent of a child with a disability, being off school isn’t as “cute” and “pretty” as it may seem across social media. I’m not saying every minute of every day is hard, but it’s not all fun crafts and cookie baking either. As I sit and reflect after a very difficult day, I want to express my feelings and the reality so many families are facing right now. You see, cancelling school doesn’t just mean no school for a few…
Read MoreThat Little Empty Spot
When your last born loses her first tooth, it is supposed to be a little sad because one realizes that their baby is growing up. And will soon spend long summer days riding bikes and playing neighborhood games. They are learning math facts and reading classic stories like, “If you give a Mouse A Cookie”. With her bouncy little smile she ran to me and grabbed my hand and brought it to her tiny bottom tooth on the left. It was so close to being free. She had been using…
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