Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs’
They Completed Our Family
Someone once told me that my husband and I had a third and fourth children as replacements for our oldest son. See the little one on the right there with the mischievous smile? And the little meatball on Sawyer’s lap? Those two. I assume they wrote that comment to hurt me. Or to remind me what a crappy mom I am. Or maybe they were just angry and miserable. Who knows I guess. What a ridiculous statement though. A replacement child. I’m not sure why we would ever replace Cooper.…
Read MoreCelebrate all of the Victories
I chatted with a father a while back about his four adult children. One is a doctor. One is a lawyer. One works in finance. A couple of them are married and have given him beautiful grand children. One of them is a world traveler. And the fourth, his youngest, works 4 hours a week at a book store. She has limited speaking and a diagnosis of autism. Like my Cooper. She is adored at her job. She greets people and restocks books. She loves helping. She takes transportation all…
Read MoreWorry vs. Wonder
There is a term I like to use. It’s blissfully unaware. It’s a place and feeling rolled into one. Many of us do this at different times in our lives. We live blissfully unaware. For example, I knew nothing of the emotional pain of a miscarriage until I lost my first baby. I knew nothing of the worry that comes with a child that isn’t developing typically until it was my own son. I knew nothing of the cruelness and brutality of cancer until it took my stepmom. I knew…
Read MoreWheel of Fortune
Watching Cooper watch Wheel of Fortune is one of my favorite past times. I can remember him watching when he was barely 9 months old. He was drawn to the colorful wheel. As he grew, it was the letters. He would clap and cheer and dance and run around the room and give high fives when the contestant guessed the right letter. Now he is 11. And he mimicks every single letter. He may not be able to say them correctly, but he tries. And he mumbles under his breath.…
Read MoreWe Can’t Stop Talking About Autism
What if we stopped talking about autism? I think about that sometimes. There will be times, like last night, where I will feel like it’s just too complicated. Maybe, it would be easier to not share. To not advocate. To hide even. ‘There was none of this autism stuff when I was younger!’ That’s a sentence I’ve heard more times than I can count from people. Some well meaning. Genuinely curious about it. And some, well, who think it’s a discipline issue. A bad child. A lazy parent. The thing…
Read MoreGrace is Everything
I talk a lot about grace on this page. A word that honestly didn’t mean all that much to me before this journey. But now, well, grace is everything. Because as parents, we can be way too hard on ourselves. When I speak to parents of newly diagnosed kids, and parents of kids diagnosed long before autism was a common word, they all tell me similar stories. Every single parent. They tell me about the things they didn’t know. They didn’t know that their child was in pain. Or they…
Read MoreI Don’t Want to Fight Anymore
Every morning I wake up to messages from people. Most are well-meaning. Many are kind. A few are awful. Some are bizarre. And some, tell me how to raise my son. And how I’m doing it wrong. They tell me what I should be doing, how I can do it better, and what I can and cannot say about him. I’ve gathered a list of what I cannot say. I cannot say he has autism. Or is autistic. I can’t say he is nonverbal or nonspeaking. I can’t say he…
Read MoreThankful for this Silence
My sweet boy, We just got back from a car ride. We do that sometimes. You and me. We used to ride around to help you calm down. A much-needed break for both of us to reset. Now we drive around and hunt for trains. Not a lot has changed over the years except now you are eleven. And you can buckle your own seatbelt. A skill we worked on for years. A skill that you are incredibly proud of. Every time we get in the car, I pause and…
Read MoreThe First Real Hug
My son was 11 years old the first time he hugged me back. Like really hugged me back. I know the exact date because it happened three days ago. I had been gone for a few hours. Running errands. When I came in he wasn’t at the door where he usually waits for me. Instead, he was in a different room. When I saw him, he waved me over by holding both arms up and outright and saying my name. MMM-AW-MMM. He looked at me as if he hadn’t seen…
Read MoreBecoming the Parent Your Child Needs
We don’t blend in, this kid and me. Not that we ever did, but I’ll admit when he was smaller it was easier. We got by with the graces people bestow on toddlers and energetic kindergarteners. But 11. Well, 11 is a whole different story. A tween. Eleven is four feet, eight inches tall. Eleven is feet that can slip my shoes on to run out the door. Eleven is shared sweatshirts with mom. T-shirts sometimes too. Eleven is big and loud and noticeable. Because eleven is a boy. A…
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