Posts Tagged ‘special needs family’
“When is it Sawyer’s Turn?”
As a mama I often feel like my mind is a Rolodex of memories. With four babies, I have so many of them. Births to birthdays, first smiles to first steps. Preschool graduation. Home runs. Road-trips. Some are readily available. Resurfacing often, bringing simultaneous smiles and tear to my eyes. But others, they are buried down deep, seemingly forgotten, until something reminds me. A sound. A smell. Another child. My younger babies doing what the now older ones once did. And there it is. A memory of something not forgotten.…
Read MoreAlways try One More Thing
People ask me every single day what advice I would give to parents of newly diagnosed kids. It’s a big question and I can think of so many things I would tell them. But one thing, the most important thing, the one that I feel is vital is… Always try one more thing. I can’t tell you how important it is. When I have been at my lowest, not knowing how to help my misunderstood little boy, both of us beat down by this world, I’ve wanted to give up.…
Read MoreHe’s My Home
My ‘older’ middle son has been having some big feelings lately. He is 9 years old and sandwiched in between two very big personalities and a baby sister. I think sometimes it can be lonely to be the ‘easy’ one. His dad and I are working for hard to make sure he knows how magnificent and treasured he is. And doing our best to navigate some uncharted waters. We want to speak to his heart. Last night a movie on the couch with popcorn and tickles. This morning a doughnut…
Read MoreWe Touch Our Hearts
My son Cooper knows some sign language. Like many parents, when we realized that he wasn’t babbling, we dove into baby sign language. More. Yes. No. Help. Cookie. Ball. Sit. All done. Thank you. The important ones. As he got older, and his fingers and hands didn’t seem to cooperate in the way we hoped, his signs got less and less. As he aged, we turned our focus to a speech device. A computer that speaks at the touch of a button. I’m telling you this because something beautiful just…
Read MoreHe has Always Needed Me Differently
I have four kids. All are very different. Unique in their own ways. And each demand something different from me. That’s the beauty of motherhood I suppose. Last night, my oldest son, had his first therapeutic horseback riding lesson. He is 11 and autistic and was excited and nervous. He got on the horse. He did it. And as I walked alongside him, sweat dripping down my back, I felt joyful and a bit tired. I was the only mom in the ring, which after 11 years, I am used…
Read MoreMama, I Give You Permission to Rest
I give you permission to rest mama. To set down what you are carrying. I can see the weight of it all. You carry it so well. People call you inspiring. They speak of you as an inspiration. Someone to aspire too. But the weight is no lighter for you than for anyone else. I know that. And so often, the world overlooks and forgets to see the ones who carry the weight well. You are tired mama. So, put it down. I give you permission. Take the day. The…
Read MoreHe can Show Me
I just got home from two days away from my babies. When my husband pulled up in the arrivals section of the airport, I practically ran to the vehicle. There is nothing better than coming home. Sawyer, one of my middles, opened the door and jumped in my arms. My other middle, Harbie, screamed….’mommy!! I’ve. Been. Waiting. For. You!’ And my daughter, Wynnie, she was all smiles. With Cooper, he’s more standoffish. A wave. A coy smile. When I climbed back to him, he immediately grabbed my hand and pulled…
Read MoreHis Spectrum is His Color
“When the professionals first told me about autism, they described it to me as a spectrum. When I pictured that spectrum, the one they described to me, I imagined a long line drawn with a thick black sharpie across a white wall, down an endless hallway. I hated the black and white and the dark, sad, clinical parts of autism. I hated straight lines too. So I started thinking of my son and his autism as a spectrum of color, like I did in the beginning, before the fear and…
Read MoreI Will Listen
I think a lot about what a privilege it is to be able to communicate and be understood. Probably more than the average person. Not always of course. When my son was 1 and 2 and even 3-years-old, and not babbling, I remember crying in worry on the phone to my mom and her saying…’everybody talks Katie.’ I can still here her saying it. The words providing so much comfort at first. Even my dad sneaking in…’I just know he is going to talk sweetheart.’ Well, here we are. 11-years-old…
Read MoreBeauty in the Things We Don’t Understand
It doesn’t have to make sense to me. Or you. Because it makes sense to him. My son Cooper loves things. Treasures we call them. DVD cases stacked up tall. The actual DVDs in a bin in the cupboard. Books. Piles of paper. Every color. Train magazines from long before he was born. And a very special pile. A smaller one. Of pages ripped out of certain publications. Each one containing something of value to him. Train Calendars. Postcards. Photos in frames to his back. Every so often pointing to…
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