Posts Tagged ‘severe autism’
A Truth to be Accepted
Sometimes we wonder why. Why did this thing happen to me? Why my spouse or parent or child or friend? Why us? Why not those other people? I think that’s normal…to wonder why. And to want answers. If I’ve learned anything over my 39 years, it’s that there isn’t always a why. Or a black and white definitive answer as to why things happen. And that’s the hardest part. It’s like a wrestling match with your heart and mind and logic and emotions. We want answers. We want accountability. But…
Read MoreThis is Our Autism
Some kids never follow the beaten path… Whether it’s from birth or from a later date, some kids don’t follow the beaten path. They don’t meet milestones on time. They don’t follow the norm. They don’t do what every other kids is seemingly doing. My son Cooper is that way. He takes note of what he is ‘supposed’ to do and does the opposite. Some people call him a free spirit. Some call him stubborn. Even challenging. Autistic, disabled, special needs…all words thrown in. It’s hard sometimes. I won’t lie…
Read MoreRemembering the Beginning
We used to not be able to have lamps in our home. That sentence right there. That’s the one that people always comment on when I say it during interviews. Then they chuckle when I follow it up with how for weeks we had to eat with headlamps on. In the dark. At our kitchen table. I’m sharing this here because my son Cooper just had one of his best weekends ever. And I spent a little time last night looking at old photos and remembering the beginning of our…
Read MoreTeachers, Thank You and I’m Sorry
I saw a post this morning shared by the amazing Jacalyn Wetzel that said something like… ‘Almost zero active shooter drills take into account disabled children.’ I paused when I saw it. I read it again and again. I don’t know if it’s true or not. I guess I’ve never researched the subject. But what I do know is that my son could not hide. Or stay quiet. He could not play dead. He would not be able to think to cover his body with blood from a peer. He…
Read MoreHe was Born Autistic
People ask me all the time about my son’s first signs of autism. For some children, it’s textbook. A quick google search returns a lack of or loss of words, struggles with eye contact, or lack of imaginative play. For other kids, the diagnosis doesn’t come so easy. It’s more complicated. Pages full of questions and checkboxes that parents agonize over. Waiting. Worrying. Wondering. I call it the in between space. For us, our sweet boy was born autistic. From the second he was placed in my arms I knew.…
Read MoreGrief is Love
Having a child with a disability is a million things. It’s unbelievable joy. It’s seeing and experiencing every single milestone. It’s happiness. It’s feeling the gut wrenching pain of watching them suffer. It’s finding your voice of advocacy. It’s seeing firsthand that bullying exists. It’s seeing resilience. It’s being turned inside out. It’s carrying a weight that most cannot see. It’s wanting to fight. And run. And hurt. And protect. And scream. It’s a million things. It’s so much. So much more. And tonight. For me. It was being 11…
Read MoreAre You Going Through Something Hard Right Now?
Hey friend, Are you going through something hard right now? It doesn’t necessarily matter what it is. Just that it’s hard. And you are struggling. Maybe it’s keeping you up at night. Maybe you find yourself crying in the shower. Maybe you cannot see the bright side. Maybe you don’t know how you will survive this. I get it. I have something in my life too. Something I don’t share a lot about with family or friends. And because of that, that silence, it feels really heavy. Suffocating even. I…
Read MoreListening With More Than Your Ears
Yesterday, for the first time ever, my 11 year old son was able to tell me that his ear hurt. We were in the drive thru for Starbucks, our happy place. He was pointing out the address numbers on the doors of the shops. 100. 200. 300. He adores numbers. As we communicated about the numbers, me talking and him using his fingers and sounds, his little brother filled in the gaps. ‘Cooper is 11. I’m 3. Sawyer is 9. Mom is…how old are you mom? Maybe 100?’ And then…
Read MoreA Beautiful Combination
My son, I like to write you these little notes so that one day, when I’m old and gray, and my memory isn’t so good, I can remember you. Your life. And us. You are 11. You are a tween. An in-between. When you were diagnosed with autism all those years ago, and the future felt confusing, maybe even a little bit scary, I would wonder what you would be like at this age. Because the teenage years can be interesting. And autism, well it muddles the edges. There are…
Read MoreJust Hang On Mama
I stumbled across an old blog post of mine the other day titled, ‘what if my son never speaks to me?’ The words that followed were filled with fear and longing. My son was 5. And my hope had ran out. Why? Well someone, a professional, had told me that if my son didn’t speak by age four, then game over. I was crushed. Devastated. Heartbroken. As I read my fears displayed on my computer screen I had this urge to hug the old me. To tell me to hang…
Read More