Posts Tagged ‘severe autism’
I Don’t Know How You Do It…
Last night I shared a video on Instagram of my autistic son ripping paper and books. It’s a new behavior. It’s really loud. And messy. I shared it for a glimpse into the beauty and reality of our world. I could tell you why he does it. He wants to have all the pieces of the magazines and books in his hands. He’s a sensory seeker. He likes to see and touch. To spread the pages out. To line them up. It makes sense to him. It makes him happy.…
Read MoreThe Power of Perspective
A recent conversation left me thinking about the power of perspective. While at a child’s birthday party with my daughter, a dear friend asked me how Jack is doing. Jack is my 12 year old son who has severe autism, developmental delay and cerebral palsy. I got excited to answer her question. “He is good!” I said. Gosh it felt great to finally say it. For the past five years when people asked me about Jack I would stop and think for a moment. Do I give them the real…
Read MoreA Nonverbal Thank You
Cooper has never asked me for a birthday present. He’s never asked me for anything really. If I was to show him something cool or ask him a question about what I think he might want, he most likely will always answer yes. He likes to answer yes. But it isn’t always accurate. Unless I ask him something ridiculous like…do you want broccoli for dinner? Then it’s a definite NO. Over the years we’ve never talked about the presents I’ve given him. Not a word. I’ve never gotten an excited…
Read MoreA Simple Trip to the Grocery Store
Trips to the grocery store. Simple right? Well, this mama didn’t know if we’d ever be able to successfully visit one. Groceries stores are loud. And crowded. And full of so many things. There is waiting. So much waiting. And walking. And colors. And different temperatures. And people talking. And asking questions. In our world we call this a sensory overload. Then add in a boy who is 9 years old. And looks like every other 9 year old boy who can easily walk through the grocery store. But yet…
Read MoreSomeday, You’ll Tell Me
Cooper, this morning was just like every other morning. You woke up happy as usual. Had breakfast, got dressed with Dad’s help, put your shoes (all by yourself!) and your coat on, negotiated 75 treasures to bring to school, and then you were gone. I yelled ‘I LOVE YOU’ ridiculously loud and stole a hug and 3 kisses before you darted out the door. Y ou grunted in response like you usually do. I then asked you to repeat ‘I Love You’ like I do every day. You willingly try.…
Read MoreThe Hardest Thing You Will Ever Wait For
We all wait for things. Waiting is a normal part of every day life. Sometimes the waiting is fun and exciting. But sometimes, it’s agonizing. Maybe you are waiting to hear back from a college that you applied too. Or about a job interview. Maybe you are waiting for your partner to pop the question while every single one of your friends is getting engaged already. Maybe you are waiting until the time is right to have kids. Until everything is in order. Or maybe you are waiting month after…
Read MoreA Letter to my Son on his 9th Birthday…
My sweet boy, today is your birthday. 9 years old. I know it sounds silly, but I almost can’t believe it. All moms say that I suppose. But with you, it’s true. Time in our world is different. Fast. Then slow. Then backwards. Even upside down. It has even stopped. Man those were some tough years. But you and I both know that age is just a number. And milestones are just another checklist we don’t pay any attention too. Because you my son, are different. Perfectly, amazingly different. You…
Read MoreMom, Dad, You have not Failed
I had the honor of meeting with a doctor today. A very important doctor. I was telling him all about my Cooper. What we’ve been through. I started at the beginning. He didn’t sleep. Not ever. Everyone told me it would get better. They said I was exaggerating. Only I knew I wasn’t. I told him it took Cooper six years to sleep through the night. And even today, it’s still a struggle. I told him about the burst ear drums. One after another. How no doctor would get close…
Read MoreWhat is a Brother?
What is a brother? Funny question right? Do brothers have to play together? Or talk? Or spend time together? Do they have to do those things? For the first three years of Sawyer’s life, he followed his older brother around. First by crawling. Then walking. Finally running. See, Cooper never stopped moving. Not ever. Sawyer thought it was a game. Cooper would run from room to room, tearing apart beds, putting garbage cans and shampoo bottles in the bathtub, emptying bookshelves and so on. From room to room he’d go.…
Read MoreA Third Baby
Yesterday morning, as my two boys were snuggling, I asked my 6-year-old son a few questions. ‘Sawyer, are you happy we had another baby?’ ‘Yes mama.’ ‘What do you love about him?’ ‘He’s so cute and small. And he’s a boy.’ ‘Is there anything else?’ ‘Yes.’ (silence) ‘What is it buddy?’ ‘I’m not lonely anymore mama.’ I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. My old soul in the body of a five year old boy. How did I not know he was lonely? My husband and I do…
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