Posts Tagged ‘severe autism’
Dear Autism, Happy 3rd Birthday
Dear Autism, Happy third birthday. While it may have taken you 9-12 months to come around, when you finally reared your head, you made your point. You have brought us so much joy, and so much pain over these last three years. We cried when the doctor sat us in the chair in her office and said, “It’s autism.” Your dad and I held hands, separated by a small table housing a box of much needed tissues, and we stared not at each other, but directly at the doctor as…
Read MoreWhat I Don’t Say
Autism is complex with many different angles and moving parts…as are those on the spectrum. All uniquely beautiful in their own way. My husband and I had a tough conversation today about all the parts we do not tell our friends and family…..the hard stuff. It is not my story to tell. It is his. My son’s. Sometimes I do have to share. To his teachers, to family and sometimes to friends. I never want to share that stuff. The raging meltdowns. Sometimes over something as small as a toy…
Read MoreFinding Your Way Back to God After a Diagnosis
I just came from church. I went alone today. I could have brought my two younger children but honestly, I needed 60 minutes to myself to sit and think. I chuckle at what I consider to be a ‘relaxing break’ now. Anyhow I don’t often talk about church on this page. Because like politics and vaccinating and puzzle pieces and the color blue, it can anger people. And that isn’t what my mission is about. I refuse to argue about autism. Not anymore. I’m too busy making sure my son…
Read MoreGetting Diagnosed with Autism as an Adult
For my entire life, I’ve watched the world through a porthole. Disconnected, alone. Before my son Charlie was even two, he was diagnosed with autism. At that moment, I entered a world I thought I knew nothing about. I didn’t know that it had actually been my life too—for as long as I even had memories. The story began to reveal itself to me during a talk with my mom. She said that Charlie couldn’t be autistic because he and I were the exact same way at that age. Except…
Read MoreWhen People See Our Autism
Yesterday, I had the rare opportunity to watch my son interact with the world outside of our home and therapy. But even more interestingly, I was able to watch the world react to him. Typically, people, strangers, onlookers, observe him with curiosity. Often with kindness. And caution. Sometimes with a little judgement. And even a little fear. That last one kills me. One of the hardest things to process, understand and feel as a mom is seeing people be afraid of my child. The little boy who cries when someone…
Read MoreLife Has a Way of Changing
You want to know what’s amazing about life? And my kid? And hard work? And goals? And hope? This. This right here. A simple trip to the grocery store. Something that most families take for granted. Something that we are always working on. Calm body. Walking. Being safe. Waiting. Communicating. But more importantly, being out in the community. A year ago I would have never dreamed that I would have met him and his therapist at the grocery store. That goal wasn’t even an option. Or that he would wait…
Read MoreThe Little Brother with the Old Soul
Today is Sawyer’s seventh birthday. Which is a really big deal. But honestly, what he said to me this afternoon makes it even more special. We had arrived at Cooper’s school to pick him up for the day. It was Jamie, Sawyer, the baby and I. Cooper came running out. All excited. His therapist said we have something to say to Sawyer. Cooper was jumping up and down and clumsily pushed a button on his speech device. ‘Happy Birthday!’ the automated voice said. Then he giggled and clapped. ‘Thanks buddy’…
Read MoreHe Never Gave Up On Me
I have a son. Three actually. They are all very different. My oldest is 9 years old. His name is Cooper. He was Cooper from the second I found out I was pregnant. There was no other name. Although we don’t really call him that anymore. We call him Snoopy. And Snoops. And Snoopy Joy. And sometimes even ‘turn it down.’ He is the most complicated, easiest, and interesting person I know. He doesn’t say much. But yet never, ever stops making noise. He moves really fast sometimes. And other…
Read MoreWhat Got Me Through As A Mother
If I could go back in time to the day before my oldest son Conor was born I would in an instant. I would give myself the biggest hug and tell me it would all be alright, that it was going to be an incredibly painful few years ahead, that I would spend nights bawling my eyes out with worry, stress and loneliness but in the end it would be alright. I would tell me that I would stand at the water’s edge one night, ready to jump in, to…
Read MoreWe Get Forever Together
This morning I was trying to distract your baby brother by doing This Little Piggy on his toes. I was exhausted. You had been up since 3:45 AM and the baby had been up 4 times throughout the night. It was safe to say mama was not in the best mood. But you boys were. Happy as can be. Loud. Running. Laughing. Getting into everything. I grabbed your brother and plopped him up in the chair and started saying the words in my overly dramatic way. ‘This LITTLE piggy went…
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