Posts Tagged ‘nonverbal autism’
I Pray for You
My sweet boy, In the beginning, back when I found out I was pregnant with you, I prayed for you to be healthy. When you were born, I prayed for you to breathe. To nurse. To sleep. As you grew from a nugget to a meatball, I prayed for you to roll over, sit up, crawl, and walk. Then I prayed for you to speak. To play. To see other people. To let me touch you. To embrace the world. I prayed for you to be like the other kids…
Read MoreThey Need to Communicate
I read a comment on the internet yesterday that said teaching autistic children to communicate is abuse. The commenter said that if a child is unable to communicate than teaching them is abuse. Let that sink in for a second. Now a second more. I let it sink in for the last 24 hours. I kept thinking I would find some pearl of wisdom in the persons way of thinking. But I haven’t. Not yet anyways. Because I want to learn. I want to do what’s best for my son.…
Read MoreA Truth to be Accepted
Sometimes we wonder why. Why did this thing happen to me? Why my spouse or parent or child or friend? Why us? Why not those other people? I think that’s normal…to wonder why. And to want answers. If I’ve learned anything over my 39 years, it’s that there isn’t always a why. Or a black and white definitive answer as to why things happen. And that’s the hardest part. It’s like a wrestling match with your heart and mind and logic and emotions. We want answers. We want accountability. But…
Read MoreThis is Our Autism
Some kids never follow the beaten path… Whether it’s from birth or from a later date, some kids don’t follow the beaten path. They don’t meet milestones on time. They don’t follow the norm. They don’t do what every other kids is seemingly doing. My son Cooper is that way. He takes note of what he is ‘supposed’ to do and does the opposite. Some people call him a free spirit. Some call him stubborn. Even challenging. Autistic, disabled, special needs…all words thrown in. It’s hard sometimes. I won’t lie…
Read MoreRemembering the Beginning
We used to not be able to have lamps in our home. That sentence right there. That’s the one that people always comment on when I say it during interviews. Then they chuckle when I follow it up with how for weeks we had to eat with headlamps on. In the dark. At our kitchen table. I’m sharing this here because my son Cooper just had one of his best weekends ever. And I spent a little time last night looking at old photos and remembering the beginning of our…
Read MoreTeachers, Thank You and I’m Sorry
I saw a post this morning shared by the amazing Jacalyn Wetzel that said something like… ‘Almost zero active shooter drills take into account disabled children.’ I paused when I saw it. I read it again and again. I don’t know if it’s true or not. I guess I’ve never researched the subject. But what I do know is that my son could not hide. Or stay quiet. He could not play dead. He would not be able to think to cover his body with blood from a peer. He…
Read MoreHe was Born Autistic
People ask me all the time about my son’s first signs of autism. For some children, it’s textbook. A quick google search returns a lack of or loss of words, struggles with eye contact, or lack of imaginative play. For other kids, the diagnosis doesn’t come so easy. It’s more complicated. Pages full of questions and checkboxes that parents agonize over. Waiting. Worrying. Wondering. I call it the in between space. For us, our sweet boy was born autistic. From the second he was placed in my arms I knew.…
Read MoreStand Still
I used to avoid feeling the worries and fears in my life. For a long time actually. I would run from them. And if they found me, I’d shove them way down deep inside. I’d do everything in my power to not feel them. Or to even stand still because that is when the feelings would find me. I made myself constantly busy. I never sat. I rarely slept. My showers were 2 minutes long. I’d blast the radio in the car. There was far too much too do. And…
Read MoreGrief is Love
Having a child with a disability is a million things. It’s unbelievable joy. It’s seeing and experiencing every single milestone. It’s happiness. It’s feeling the gut wrenching pain of watching them suffer. It’s finding your voice of advocacy. It’s seeing firsthand that bullying exists. It’s seeing resilience. It’s being turned inside out. It’s carrying a weight that most cannot see. It’s wanting to fight. And run. And hurt. And protect. And scream. It’s a million things. It’s so much. So much more. And tonight. For me. It was being 11…
Read MoreThe Best Things Take Time
I get asked a lot about the sibling dynamic in our autism world. It’s honestly probably one of the topics I am asked about the most. It’s also one of my favorites to share about. When Sawyer was 9 months old I watched him fall completely in love with his older brother Cooper. When he was 2, I watched him chase behind him, following as closely as he could only to be ignored. When he was 3 he asked me why his brother didn’t talk. When he was 4 he…
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