Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
Moms, You are Good Enough
I never realized how much I wanted to be a mother until I was told I couldn’t. Until I was told my body would fail me. My body wasn’t, “good enough” to do what a woman’s body was, “supposed to.” I never knew how much I wanted to be a mom until that honor was taken away from me. After 2 ½ beautiful months he left our home returning to his teenager mother who changed her mind. One final signature, one last document, a teenage mother’s changed mind, and my days…
Read MoreTo the Special Needs Mom on Mother’s Day
I am thinking about you today. I want you to know that everything you do matters. When you crawl into bed at night, aching from your temples to your toes, know that you have done enough. There may have been no progress made with toileting, feeding therapy or communication today and that is okay. Your child is safe and so loved. The weight of hectic schedules, parent trainings, OT, PT and visits with every other MD in-between can feel suffocating. The research, the meltdowns, the battles over chicken nugget brands…
Read MoreJust Another Day to Autism
Mother’s Day… Oddly, each year it only gets harder. I knew my first Mother’s Day that something wasn’t quite right. I knew it deep in my gut—or should I say soul? I had dreamed of being a Mother and I had a vision of how it would be with my child. Now I see those visions—my visions—through others on Social Media. As a special needs parent, we miss out on so much. It seems to be the most typical things most take for granted that hurt the most. To be…
Read MoreFalling in Love with Reality
To the boy that grew only in my heart, I still think about you sometimes. Not as often as I did in the beginning. But sometimes when things get lonely and dark you wander into my mind. You stand there smiling at me. Sometimes you talk to me and tell me all the things you love. Sometimes you show me your favorite toys. Sometimes you teach your little brother things and I watch him look up to you in awe as you take care of him. Sometimes you play with…
Read MoreBeauty in the Smallest Things
It’s hard to put into words what it is like to give your everything and more to a little person who cannot call you Mom. I do know it is a lesson in unconditional love to the highest degree. I have this little boy. He has autism, but he is so much more than that. He is a living breathing example of all that is pure and all that is good in this world. He has taught me that the smallest things truly do take up the most space in…
Read MoreHow I Pour From an Empty Cup
You can’t pour from an empty cup. I’ve seen this plastered all over social media. And they are such wise words. Figuratively and literally, it makes so much sense. And I believe them wholeheartedly. But there’s a problem with my cup. There’s a hole at the bottom of it. And no matter how much I pour in, I always seem to fall short and empty. And that hole is autism. I am a very blessed woman. I have a wonderful 5 year old son who is the highlight of my…
Read MoreIf I Let Myself Wonder Why
Sometimes I wonder why. I would be lying to you if I said I never wondered why. Why our family? Why me? Why my son? Why him? We are nothing special. We aren’t any stronger than anyone else. We aren’t super parents. I don’t know if God chose us. Or if special kids are given to special people. Or if we have Cooper because we are strong enough to handle the challenges that come with him. I don’t feel like that stuff is true. Not really. I think that’s just…
Read MoreAutism Defeated Me Today
Autism you won. It was one of those days. A day you felt like a dump truck has repeatedly hit you over and over again. Tears that continue to flow. Nothing is stopping them. I am hurting. I am hurting because I can’t figure out what is making my son so frustrated. I can’t figure out what is causing his meltdowns. Autism is hard. There is no sugar coating it. It hit me extremely hard today. I just became so overwhelmed with emotions today. The feeling of my anxiety taking…
Read MoreSing me a Lullaby Mama
Our almost 6 year old nonverbal wonder has been having a tough time recently. In short ongoing seizures. With numerous visits to doctors and hospitals anxiety runs high in our household. For any family a visit to see any medical professional is daunting but for families of special needs children the experience takes on a whole new set of challenges; busy waiting rooms, loud noises, bright lights, clinical hard surroundings and long queues! These environments take a toil on everyone. Added to this is a child with autism’s unique expressive…
Read MoreHer Spinning
I told her tonight that if she wanted to cuddle she would have to stop her wiggling and squirming. She was hiding underneath the blanket by my toes: giggling. Total sensory overload. She crawled out and laughed and flapped and I told her again. Things need to be structured to go smoothly. She wrapped her arms around me reluctantly avoiding too much touch and squeezed gently. The whole process so uncomfortable for her. “One, two, three, four…” We started together and then her counting became as always rapid and just…
Read More