Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
He Stayed While I Loved Her More
The moment I laid my eyes on her, I knew she would alter my life in ways I had no ability to perceive just yet. It would have been impossible to know that her love would beckon me to pour myself into her all day, every day for years at the risk of losing my husband. I was already in love with her, and we had just met. My husband, Greg, was the whole package. From the beginning, I knew he was out of my league, but that didn’t scare…
Read MoreThings I Didn’t Know About Motherhood Until I Became One
I didn’t realize how mad I could get at my spouse over something so silly. I didn’t realize how close to the mental brink a child could push me. And the things I would argue over… I didn’t realize how precious 5 minutes of alone time in the bathroom could be. I didn’t realize how much pee, poop and puke I would clean up. I didn’t know that I would resent the time it takes to shower, eat, pee and poop because they take up too much time. I didn’t…
Read MoreA Real Tinder Profile
When we are younger, dating and know everything, we are looking for certain things in a partner. Obviously, someone we are sexually attracted too. Someone with a good sense of humor. Similar interests. A good job. Shared values. Twenty-somethings don’t think about 15 years down the line. Babies, stress, snoring, weight gain, a midlife crisis, money struggles and literally not one second to think, sit or relax. I have to laugh at what a good husband is to me now, after three kids, a mortgage, and nonstop chaos. You wouldn’t…
Read MoreA Letter to my Autistic Husband
Dear David, I’m writing this letter to you in a public forum for two reasons. First, I want to shout from the rooftops just how amazing, wonderful, loving, kind and funny a husband I have. Second, because some people have a very narrow view of what autism is, and I’d like to correct a few misconceptions. You came into my life 18 years ago and immediately won my heart by making me laugh so hard I nearly fell out of my chair! I knew you were different from the first…
Read MoreWhat if you have a Child with Special Needs?
We were married in the Lutheran faith and had to give up our precious weekend to attend a weekend of pre-marital counseling sessions. It was long and seemed completely unnecessary because we were madly in love. The class was centered on ‘deep’ questions that prompted discussion between couples. How would you handle a partner with an addiction? Or a partner that lies? A partner who gambles? We obviously didn’t have those problems since we were best friends so we breezed through. Oh the arrogance of twenty-something kids. Jamie and I…
Read MoreBe With the One Who Gets It
Be with the man who holds a leg in the delivery room. Who helps hold your boob when you are sobbing over trying to get a newborn to latch at 3 AM on day two. Who thinks you are beautiful despite the baby weight. Be with the person who changes diapers. And I don’t mean just baby diapers. The one who will change them long after age 2 and 3. And coaches t-ball and goes to every hockey game and Miracle League Baseball Game. The one who gives your babies…
Read MoreWhere Would I be Without Autism?
I had an interesting experience this past week. My husband and I volunteered to be apart of a research study looking at how having a child with autism affects our marriage. There were a lot of expected questions like, “what things are more challenging when you have a child with autism compared to other families?”, and “how do you cope with the stress as a married couple”. Some of the questions were hard to answer, some were very easy. There was one question that struck me to the core that…
Read MoreI Knew it would be Hard, Just not this Hard
When my son was diagnosed with autism five years ago, I knew we were in for a challenge. And I don’t just mean the fight for services or supports, I just knew my little guy was a pistol. At that time, he didn’t sleep. At all. He was up all night and started our day around 4 am. I also knew that he hated all foods. And refused to eat almost everything. I knew he couldn’t communicate. And refused to participate. I knew everything was a fight. He refused to…
Read MoreThe Parts No One Talks About
There are parts of autism that the world simply doesn’t talk about. The ugly parts. The scary parts. And the sad parts. No one talks about physical aggressions or self injuring. Or fecal smearing. Or even what happens to nonverbal, severe kids when they grow up. And I don’t just mean age 20. I mean age 60, long after their parents are dead. Do they go into nursing homes? Who cares for them? Instead, we hear about the beautiful parts of autism. And the dramatic ones. The newsworthy ones. You…
Read MoreThe Moment Autism Changed Me
To My Dear Husband, I vividly remember our first date. I was 16 years old and you picked me up in a parking lot across the street from my friend’s house so my parents wouldn’t know. Let’s be honest, it was a disaster. We went to the movie theater and I paid for our tickets, you awkwardly put your arm around my shoulder for 5 minutes near the end of the movie and we did not speak to each other for years. You went on to have a beautiful daughter,…
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