The World’s Most Okayest Mom

I’ve been reading a lot lately about so called bad moms. Apparently they walk amongst us dressed in leggings and oversized sweatshirts, hair up in a messy pony, exhausted, cooking dinner with way too many helpers, and most likely overly caffeinated. They blend in. Yes, I’m as shocked as you are. I had no idea. Learning this got me thinking about my so called mothering skills. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the mother I imagined I’d be before having kids. But in my defense, I didn’t…

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The Hardest Question Will Always Be Why

The hardest question you will ever ask is why. You will fixate on it. You will manically go over it all in your head. Everything you did or didn’t do during the months that turned into the years that got you to this point. You will justify and find reasoning that soothes your heart. But you will always come back to one simple question. Why? You can be firmly planted, comfortably and happily, in acceptance and still find yourself haunted by the why. Why my child? Why my family? Why?…

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Being Social Isn’t As Easy As We Make It Look

I take notice of every body of water now. Every stream, every river, every pond, and every lake. I’ll count the 5 gallon buckets that sit unattended in your yard, filled with rain water. I know exactly where your dogs water bowl is. I’ll shut your bathroom doors, and make sure you didn’t forget to drain your bath water.  I see every candle. I panic when we come over and they are lit. I’ll feel badly when I ask you to blow them out, and set them up.  I pray…

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A Daughter’s Letter to her Mother

Dear Mom, I see you. I just want you to know that I see you. I see everything you do for my sister and acknowledge everything I don’t see. I see the pain when you are trying to help her but nothing seems to work that day. I see the helplessness when my sister is way too overstimulated in public and you doing everything you can to get her through it but it’s just enough for her. I see the warrior in you as you fight for what she needs…

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When you Take the Lens Off

I am not new to the autism world, in fact, I’d like to think of myself as almost a professional autism mom.  Many times, I am called in by a lot of my social media friends to be the one they connect to, when another mom has a child that is showing developmental delays, or behaviors that just don’t seem very typical for the age.  My son is almost twelve, and we’ve been through so much since the day that 6-pound 13-ounce baby was placed into my arms. When he…

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14 Things that are Ridiculously Hard as a Mother

14 things that I find to be ridiculously, over the top hard, as a mother: Putting eye drops in a child’s eye who refuses to keep their eye open. It is not possible. Nope. By the end of the attempt everyone has pink eye. Wiping a child’s nose and mouth. Or, as I call it, absolute torture. Keeping a hat on a toddler. Enough said. Putting shoes on a child who doesn’t want shoes on. ‘What is happening? Why are you curling your dang toes?’ Getting a child to eat…

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Enter Your Child’s World

One of the things I hear the most often from parents of newly diagnosed children is…I can’t figure out how to get my child to play with me. Or, I can’t find an activity for us to do together. This is coming from moms and dads who are trying so hard. They are desperate to get inside. But they don’t know how. Not yet anyways. Boy does that resonate with me. I was that mom years ago. My son wouldn’t play with me. In fact, he didn’t play at all.…

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The Mystery of Time

Before I became a mother I didn’t understand how complicated time could be. You know that old saying…the days are long but the years are short? I’m feeling that right now. The days are so long. Sometimes unbearable. I pray for a second to be a human, without someone climbing on me. But then I wonder how my babies can be 8, 6 and 1 already. How is that possible? I swear I was just in college last year. Most days feel like a blur. Like a race to see…

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My Son, I Will Never Give Up

As I sit here watching you sleep, I keep thinking of the life I had envisioned for us. God it is so different than our life now. I saw football games, school plays and parties. Sleepovers with 3 or 4 wild and crazy boys driving me batty. Pulling spiders and bugs out of your jeans pockets and me freaking out and telling you to take them outside. I saw myself being a den mother because you told me you wanted to be in boy scouts like all of your friends.…

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Things I Wish I Had Known When My Son Was Diagnosed With Autism

THINGS I WISH I HAD KNOWN WHEN MY SON WAS FIRST DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM: To tackle guilt from the very beginning. To focus on self-care earlier on. To make finding peace a priority. To not judge my beginnings so harshly. To focus on the good more, even when it was hardest to find. To stand up for myself sooner. To realize that the child I have right now is not the child I will have a year from now. To stop worrying so much about my child. He will be…

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