Posts Tagged ‘autism mom’
What I Don’t Say
Autism is complex with many different angles and moving parts…as are those on the spectrum. All uniquely beautiful in their own way. My husband and I had a tough conversation today about all the parts we do not tell our friends and family…..the hard stuff. It is not my story to tell. It is his. My son’s. Sometimes I do have to share. To his teachers, to family and sometimes to friends. I never want to share that stuff. The raging meltdowns. Sometimes over something as small as a toy…
Read MoreHope, Grief, and Grace
My son Jack was diagnosed with autism when he was eighteen months old. It was a cold, gray afternoon in November. He was wearing a blue jacket. He’s fifteen now. A lot has happened since that day in November. I had three more kids and Jack learned to talk and then he learned how to pick the locks and run out the front door. I chased him like my life depended on it, because it did. Finally, we taught him how to hold our hand in the parking lot and…
Read MoreHow to Stay Sane
Sometimes I stand before people and I say stuff and then they ask me questions. How do you keep you marriage together with the stress of raising a child with autism? How can I get my son to stop biting/hitting/screaming/chewing/running? How is it you are so stunningly beautiful and well-dressed? Actually, I’ve never been asked that last question. I admit this to you in the spirit of full disclosure. When my son Jack was a little guy, throwing enormous fits and staying up all night and generally wreaking havoc on…
Read MoreWhat Got Me Through As A Mother
If I could go back in time to the day before my oldest son Conor was born I would in an instant. I would give myself the biggest hug and tell me it would all be alright, that it was going to be an incredibly painful few years ahead, that I would spend nights bawling my eyes out with worry, stress and loneliness but in the end it would be alright. I would tell me that I would stand at the water’s edge one night, ready to jump in, to…
Read MoreImagine Something Hurts
Imagine something hurts. But you can’t tell anyone. You want too. You try even. But it comes out in different ways. Ways that people don’t understand. You try to get attention. But they won’t listen. You scream. You hit your head. Because that’s where the pain is. The screaming makes people frustrated. The hitting makes people stare. You drop to the ground because you are exhausted. You roll. You try to get the pain out of your head by pressing your ear to the cold, cool ground. People stare more.…
Read MoreThe Things I Took for Granted
There is this saying, and I’m sure most of you in the autism world have heard of it. Something to the effect that “special needs parents have a child in the newborn phase for many, many years longer than most.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. How it’s pretty crushing, but it also couldn’t be more true. My son Noah still cries and screams to communicate most of the time. The only consistent words I would say he has are — “Pete” when he sees him on Mickey…
Read MoreMy Child is Bright
Now, lets rewind to the time my son Danny was born. In the back of my mind I always knew there was something not right. I used my mothering instinct and knew something was wrong when Danny screamed and screamed without being soothed with anything possible in this world as a baby. By the time he was three years old, he had no language, no words, or even nonverbal communication was void. After much advocating, Danny was finally diagnosed at age three. ABA therapy was the best therapy at the…
Read MoreThe First Time The Word Autism Scared Me
I didn’t allow myself to feel any of the emotions that came with his diagnosis. I didn’t walk out of his appointment any different than walking in. It hit me about 3 weeks later. When the letter arrived. At his appointment, we discussed ABA. We discussed the hours. We discussed how we needed this for him to start speech. I walked out feeling relieved. I know that’s a total opposite emotion than you would expect. To me it was finally being heard. Finally getting him the services he needed to…
Read MoreI’m Not A Failure
I have to get this off my chest. This is a temporary feeling. All week… LIKE ALL WEEK. I’ve felt like a failure. Even though all week I’ve… “taken care of my daughter” “my bills are paid” “my house has food and clean clothes” and although “it’s not perfectly clean”, it’s okay enough to wait until my day off (tomorrow) to do the bigger chores. I’ve helped Gretchen, she pulled up her pajamas pants tonight. That might not seem like a big deal to most parents, but I arrived at…
Read MoreI Found My Voice This Year
It’s time for New Years Resolutions. I made mine mid year somehow and didn’t even know it. For years I tried to help my son find his voice and in the process I found mine. Once my son was diagnosed I lost mine I think. I just wanted to do everything right for him. I found my voice this year. It’s a loud one and one spoken with love. I stood up for myself, my son and for both of our mental health. I fought for him to have a…
Read More