Posts Tagged ‘Autism diagnosis’
A Foot in Two Very Different Worlds
Last week, my five-year-old son Sawyer spent four days with his grandparents and his cousin. They fished, swam, biked and lived the cabin life. I was so excited for him to go and have fun. One of my worries and honestly, very real realities, is that he misses out on things. Having a sibling with special needs can do that. There is no sugar coating it. As parents to our children, we kill ourselves, and stretch ourselves way too thin, to make sure our children are getting what they need.…
Read MoreI Used to Hide my Son from the World
I used to hide my son from the world. That sounds terrible, I know. But there was a brief period of time that I felt better by keeping him cooped up. In my house, I didn’t need to feel scared. I didn’t need to compare. I didn’t need to constantly think and ponder and wonder what the future held. In my house, he was my perfect, beautiful child. There was nothing wrong with him. He was happy and that’s all that mattered. I remember the first time I realized something…
Read MoreAlways Be You Little Man
My Little Wild One, Some days aren’t easy, and some days the unknown future can get me down, but I want you to know something. It’s never you. It’s never your fault. You are perfect the way you are. You might always be the oddball, the odd one out. You may be called names. You might get left out, and overlooked, ignored and maybe picked on, but I want you to know something. It’s never you. The sad thing is people are too busy. The world moves too fast. People…
Read MoreNot Numb
I am the one that waits. I wait in traffic on the way to therapy. I wait for the tantrums to pass. I wait anxiously during the haircuts, dentist appointments, doctor’s visits, and in line to pick him up from preschool. I don’t wait the same way, either. Depending on the situation I can be waiting for Mason to finish his play time to transition to a new activity while drinking a relaxing cup of coffee, or I can be in the process of biting my nails off due to…
Read MoreAge Thirteen
My typical daughter, Sasha was recently in her middle school musical. When we were reviewing the performance I mentioned one of the actresses I thought did a great job. “What grade is she in?” I asked. “She’s in seventh grade. She’s Alaina’s age.” My daughter said casually. She’s Alaina’s age? My face dropped. I felt the familiar feelings. A combination of shock and sorrow. That’s what girls in seventh grade are like? This 13 year old girl..she was so..so so older, so funny, so focused, so verbal. I squinted my…
Read MoreI Dream Differently Than You
Being a victim sounds horrible but sometimes I think we fail to recognize that at times it is self-induced. I can’t go to the store because my son might throw a tantrum. We cannot afford to have a date night because we cannot find a babysitter. I have no friends. I am going to wait to start my business because of my husband’s work situation. We cannot go on vacation because my son does not transition well and we cannot afford it. I have personally said every single one of…
Read MoreWill it Always Feel This Way?
I’ve been crying a lot lately. The list of public places in which I’ve broken down is growing and I’m not sure if I should be glad I have the ability to let it all out or if it’s reaching an unhealthy point. A few weeks ago it was a Chic-fil-a while I watched my kids play. There are parking lots all over this city that have seen my tears. My steering wheel has tried to comfort me to no avail. Today, it was the parking lot of an arts…
Read MoreAutism and Other People
One of the hardest things about raising a child who is different is other people. When we’re at the grocery store and my child has an iPhone in her hand, it’s not because I’m lazy. Lazy would be the last word anyone would use to describe my parenting. My child has an iPhone because it comforts her and it keeps her from wriggling out of the shopping cart, screaming at the top of her lungs, running away from me, or melting into a puddle. When we’re at the playground and…
Read MoreWe Choose Joy, But That Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Hard
This morning Jamie and I sat on the loveseat together at 7 am drinking our coffee. Side by side. We were smooshed in. Cooper had the other couch to himself. He sat dead in the center with his treasures spread out around him. On one side were photos. To us they appear random. To him they are everything. On the other side meticulously arranged is a flyer for a local realty place, a Barney DVD case, a Pet the Cat book and the DVD, Blue Mountain Mystery. Jamie and I…
Read MoreThe Day I Will Never Forget
It was a beautiful Wednesday June 7, 2017 day. Extremely sunny and warm. Our son Kash was in a great mood. My husband and I were not. We were on edge that day. We were headed to get Kash’s evaluation to see if he was on the autism spectrum. Adam was trying his best to cheer me up, but in the end I couldn’t cheer up. No parent ever wants to go through wondering if your child could be on the spectrum. We arrived and got him all checked in.…
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